I don't like it. It is not a creative writing exercise. The reader does not want to be persuaded you're interesting, just that you're interested.
All you need to do is detail what you have done academically, and what you intend to do. It should be 2 pages A4 or so.
Also, your reasons are poor. Adjectives and compliments that could conceivably apply to any place do not work in your favour in this type of letter.
What they really want is someone serious who has done their homework. This means you should know everything about them. The names of their department's professors, what their fields of specialisation are, which of them you'd like to work with and why, based on your intended area of PhD research....
So I recommend re-writing it, friend.