Student or Learner
Hello. I am prepareing for the IELTS exam and I have some problems with the writing part, especially task 1 (because i've never wrote compositions of that kind).
I would like you to proofread the following texts, suggest some ideas for improving and of course, say what band would you give for each. Thanks :)
I put the essays here:htt p:/ /w w w . m e g a u p l o a d . c o m / ? d = 5 C 8 3 0 X K W , as you'll have to watch the given diagrams as well. Anyway, if you consider you can ignore them, here are my texts with no pictures:
The bar chart presents the percentage of children aged 5 to 14 having different leisure activities, presented on gender.
Watching TV or videos is by far the most popular activity for both boys and girls, as all of them like doing this. Playing electronic and computer games is also fashionable, more than 80% of the boys and 60% of the girls admitting to enjoy doing this.
On the other hand, what children do less in their freetime is craft and skateboarding or rollerblading. While less than 60% of girls and 35% of boys between 5 and 14 years like art, only a percentage of 37% boys and a little more than 20% girls enjoy not so popular sports like skateboarding or rollerblading.
As a conclusion, kids aged 5 to 14 generally prefer technology (PC or TV) to sports and practical work.
The bar chart presents how travelers changed their favourite ways of transport between 1960 and 2000.
In 1960, 35% of the population was relying on their own feet when they needed to go to work. The percentage almost halved until 1980 and became less than 10 until 2000. Bikes were used in 1960 much more than 40 years later as well, almost 10% of the population having used them in 2000, in comparison with 1960 when 27% of the population considered them the most accessible.
On the contrary, the number of people using cars as a way of transport rouse significantly from 7% in 1960 to 37% in 2000. Moreover, the bust is a way of transport that attracted in both 1960 and 2000 almost the same percentage of travelers (20%), with a fluctuation of 28% in 1980.
As a conclusion, people nowadays are more used to confort than they were 40 or 50 years ago and they use each year less and less traditional methods of transport, such as bikes and their own feet.
THIS IS TASK 2: Essay on "Can we have technology and tradition both together?"
Let’s imagine a scenario: there is a boy, John, 17, who lives in New York. I ask you to tell me five things that come to your mind when thinking of John. Maybe you’ll say “soccer”. Or “drugs”. You’ll definitely won’t forget about “TV”, “PC”, “iPod” or “Playstation”. You didn’t think of this boy singing, let’s say, carols, am I right?
I chose the example of this boy only to show you that technology, nowadays, rules the world. You can find it everywhere, starting with hospitals and ending with schools. It is indeed very useful, don’t understand me wrongly, but, to my mind, it is too much.
Very few people are interested today in what used to matter most in the past: tradition. We want to develop day by day, but instead of building the future based on our past, we neglect traditions and don’t understand that they were a part of our continuous development as well as technology is nowadays. How can you ask a 7-year old boy to sing a national song instead of playing at his Wii? It’s… absurd.
When talking about culture and technology, it’s not a matter of having them both together. It’s a matter of WILLING to have them together, firstly. I remember once meeting a 13-year old cousin from the countryside. I asked her if she keeps the Easter and Christmas traditions that her parents used to and she told me that she doesn’t even want to think about that as far as her laptop can provide her at any time with every song, lyrics or other stuff connected to traditions. She didn’t even want to have them together.
As a conclusion, I agree with the statement mentioned above. It’s sad that in a world where technology helps us almost see the invisible, we can’t make something so easy, like our traditions, come to life. I still think it is a matter or mentality – when we will want to return to basics, we’ll be able to make miracles.
The picture above presents some important information concerning the famous Eiffel Tower from Paris, France, as well as a suggestion of developing intelligently it’s underground.
This landmark of France is situated between other famous buildings in Paris like Orsay Museum, Louvre Museum or Hotel des Invalides. It is 324 m height, it weights no less than 10,100 tones and it’s formed of two big platforms: one of 57 m and one of 115 m.
The project of modernising it’s underground suggests a structure of five levels: the first one, made of class ceiling, should provide visitors with tickets to access to tower.The second floor should have restaurants and shops and the third level would be suitable for a cinema and a traditional museum. It would be useful for the fourth and fifth level to be designed as parking places, because it is known that hundreds of tourists visit this building daily. For the ones who just want to see the city from the tower, the 1,665 steps should represent perfect viewing platforms.
The diagram gives some pieces of information about the structure of the Hawaiian island chain in Pacific Ocean.
This island chain supports one of the oldest volcano in the world, believed to have formed 80 m years ago. Under this volcano, there is a huge mass of solid dense rock (the tectonic plate, called “Pacific plate”), which not surprisingly at all moves 7 to 9 cm per year. In the Hawaiian island chain there has been discovered younger volcanos as well, which were created by countless magna spume eruptions. These eruptions have their first movements somewhere 2883 km down, this huge depth making the hot spot spume to remain static and not allowing the volcano to erupt very often.
Islands are usually known to be peaks of underwater mountains or volcanos and most of them (such as Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Hawaii or Maui) were formed in the same way as described above.
Thank you so much!!