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    Smile Any kind teacher can help me to corret my Ielts essay

    Any good teacher can help me to corret my Ielts essay....thanks very much!
    btw, which score can I attain

    Ielts question:
    In some societies, more and more people choose to live on their own, what reason for this,
    and is it a positive or negative trend?

    my answer:
    With the development of science and society as a whole, more and more people choose to
    live independently. Some people regard it to be an advance of human society, while others
    disbelieve. In my opinion, it is natural that people from different backgrounds hold
    different views towards this issue. I will look into this phenomenon, and try to find
    some possible reasons.

    The reason why so many people choose to live an independent life is as follows:
    Firstly, independence can help to exercise one's capability of solving problems. It is
    generally believe that the majority of people are born with some talents, as long as they
    try to use and spare no effort in exploring them, they can become successful one day.
    Independent individuals are just people of this kind. They never turn to others or stop
    trying until they find the solutions, thereby boosting their personal ability to tackle
    different difficulties in life. Secondly, the independent spirit is very helpful to the
    modern women. In the past, women do not have their own careers to make money, all that
    they can do is to obey their husbands' orders. Only in this way, their status in families
    can be ensured. By contrast, contemporary women are not so financially dependent on their
    husbands. They no longer have to abide by their husbands' arbitrary orders and
    increasingly win a more significant position in the family life as well as in society.

    There are also many side effects exerting on people making livings in an independent way
    and people around them. Initially, they are not used to asking for help when meeting
    tough things. Indeed they are often good problem-solvers, yet in many cases, it is more
    efficient to connect friends for assistants. However, they are so arrogant that they do
    not wish to expose their shortcomings to others. More often than not, they choose to
    confront difficulties on their own. In addition, influenced by their independent
    ideology. These people tend to be unwilling to help others, because they take it for
    grant that people should deal with their own business. whereas this behavior ,in fact,
    will make people around them gradually indifferent to each other.

    In conclusion, reasons for people to opt to live independently are mainly due to
    developing personal ability or feminism. It is hard so say that the trend of independence
    among people is positive or negative. It brings both merits and disadvantages. What I can
    see is that independence is generally good, while people should avoid going to the
    Last edited by xiaoxiaoca; 04-Jan-2011 at 12:22.

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    Re: Any kind teacher can help me to corret my Ielts essay

    That's very good, xiaoxiaoca. It should score highly.

    I only noticed mistakes in

    . . .because they take it for
    granted that people should deal with their own business, whereas this behavior, . . .

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