Please rate my IELTS essay, im expecting above 6.5

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maddy1

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"The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer."

The mass media is a powerful tool in this modern information age. It not only brings enormous information but also unfolds trends, in-depth analysis, views and opinions on specific issues. It definitely has a big impact in shaping people’s ideas.

Mass media gives a variety of information in different formats and more importantly in an unbiased fashion. Science and technology, business related programmes and articles give huge source of information. Current issues, discussions bring multi-dimensional views on important social and economical problems from experts, allows the general public to do analysis and reanalysis of their opinion. This kind of in depth information guides people from all walks of life to form their own ideas and opinions and use it when ever needed.

Apart from giving huge source of information they help us not only acquire information but also makes us to use ideas in a constructive way based on social and economical trends in their country. They can use these information and knowledge to know the trend and look for new opportunities for example they can apply for new jobs, invest their savings in shares and adopt a healthy lifestyle by taking healthy food. Changing colours of their vibrant society is perfectly reflected in mass media, which empowers the masses to think and react in a logical and ethical way such as to fit into this modern society.

So in conclusion mass media certainly plays a big role in shaping common man’s ideas and opinions by giving unbiased, in-depth information. Further it also makes people to understand the trends, which I think is really important to survive in this rapidly changing world.
 
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billmcd

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"[STRIKE]The [/STRIKE]Mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer."

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Mass media is a powerful tool in this modern information age. It not only brings an enormous amount of information but it also [STRIKE]unfolds[/STRIKE] reports trends, provides in-depth analysis, views and opinions on specific issues. It definitely has a big impact in shaping people’s ideas.

Mass media [STRIKE]gives[/STRIKE]presents a variety of information in different formats and more importantly in an unbiased (really?) fashion. Science and technology, business related programmes and articles [STRIKE]give[/STRIKE]are a huge source of information. Current issues and discussions bring multi-dimensional views on important social and economical problems from experts, allow[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] the general public to do analysis and reanalysis of their opinions. This kind of in depth information guides people from all walks of life to form their own ideas and opinions and use it when [STRIKE]ever [/STRIKE]needed.

[STRIKE]Apart from giving huge source of information[/STRIKE] They help us not only acquire information but also make[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] us [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] use ideas in a constructive way based on social and economical trends in their respective countries. They can use [STRIKE]these[/STRIKE] this information and knowledge to [STRIKE]know the trend [/STRIKE]understand trends and look for new opportunities. For example, they can apply for new jobs, invest their savings in shares and adopt a healthy lifestyle by [STRIKE]taking[/STRIKE]consuming healthy food. Changing colours of their vibrant society (I don't understand this phrase) is perfectly reflected in mass media, which empowers the masses to think and react in a logical and ethical way such as to fit into this modern society.

So in conclusion, mass media certainly plays a big role in shaping common man’s ideas and opinions by giving unbiased (again, really?), in-depth information. Further, it also makes people [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] understand the trends, which I think is really important to survive in this rapidly changing world.

A few suggestions.
 
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