Motivation letter

[NicoleSA]

This is a rough copy of my motivation letter to a Swiss University. I have read through it many times but I am not yet content. I would appreciate all comments and help! Thanks. :-D

Dear Sir or Madam

I am hereby applying for entrance to the three year program in hospitality management at Hotel Institute Montreux starting in September 2011.

Approximately a year ago I went to a career day of which various universities held talks and promoted their constitutions. I was desperate to find my path and actively tried to watch as many presentations as possible. By the end of the day my mind felt exhausted and the many choices only left me more confused.

One evening while out having dinner the manager came to ensure that all was as excellent as always. As it was holiday season, the restaurant was buzzing but the restaurant understaffed. The manager and I spoke for a moment and soon after I was offered a job. Some shifts later I realized that I hade a passion for the hospitality industry.

HIM caught my attention and since reading the brochure, I immediately decided that this is where I want to study. The beautiful scenery, the multicultural environment and HIM’s excellent reputation all convinced me that this is where I want to go.

As Switzerland is known for its great hotels and restaurants I believe HIM offers the best hospitality education available.

I was born in a tiny town in South Africa by a Swedish mother. I have lived in both the boiling South Africa and the icy Sweden, this I think has given me a broader perspective and taught me how to interact with different people. I absolutely love learning about other countries, people and cultures.

So far I have eaten a sheep head in a hut, kissed a Danish mermaid, explored the old cobble streets of Stockholm, attended an all girls school and experienced Swedish school food.

But I have not attended university, nor have I taken a dip in Lake Geneva.

I hope to hear from you soon
Sincerely
Nicole Cowan

 

[Rover_KE]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am hereby applying for entrance to the three year program in hospitality management at Hotel Institute Montreux starting in September 2011.

Approximately a year ago I went to a careers day at which various universities held talks and promoted their constitutions. I was desperate to find my path and actively tried to watch as many presentations as possible. By the end of the day my mind felt exhausted and the many choices only left me more confused.

One evening while out having dinner, the manager came to ensure that all was as excellent as always. As it was holiday season, the restaurant was buzzing but [STRIKE]the restaurant[/STRIKE] understaffed. The manager and I spoke for a moment and soon after I was offered a job. Some shifts later I realized that I had a passion for the hospitality industry.

HIM caught my attention and since reading the brochure, I immediately decided that this is where I want to study. The beautiful scenery, the multicultural environment and HIM’s excellent reputation all convinced me that this is where I want to go.

As Switzerland is known for its great hotels and restaurants I believe HIM offers the best hospitality education available.

I was born in a tiny town in South Africa of a Swedish mother. I have lived in both tropical South Africa and [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] icy Sweden, which I think has given me a broader perspective and taught me how to interact with different people. I absolutely love learning about other countries, people and cultures.

So far I have eaten a sheep's head in a hut, kissed a Danish mermaid, explored the old cobbled streets of Stockholm, attended an all-girls school and experienced Swedish school food.

However, I have not attended university, nor have I taken a dip in Lake Geneva.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Nicole Cowan

 

[NicoleSA]

Thank you! That would have been embarrassing... I have corrected those mistakes but what do you think of the letter in general?