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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    hey,

    can any teacher correct my mistakes in this paragraph :

    On day, while I was cutting onions to put it into my sausage sandwich, suddenly I cut my finger by a sharp knife. My finger started bleeding a lot of blood, quickly I wear my clothes and went to the nearest hospital from my house, I arrived to the hospital at 8:10 pm it was crowded and there were a lot of people which have a dangerous injuries, so I had to wait and tie my wound to stopped the bleed. After half an hour exactly at 8:40 pm I met the doctor, he asked me about if I want to stitch my finger or not, so I told him that my wound doesnít require stitches so I donít want stitch after that he put over my finger a paste its very useful couse after 2 weeks my wound got well ..




    thnx to anybody wants help me :)

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    #2

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    What do you mean by "on day"?

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    #3

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    Quote Originally Posted by lo3ti View Post
    hey,

    can any teacher correct my mistakes in this paragraph :

    On day, while I was cutting onions to put it into my sausage sandwich, I suddenly cut my finger with a sharp knife. My finger started bleeding a lot. I put on my clothes quickly and went to the nearest hospital to my house, I arrived at the hospital at 8:10 pm -- it was crowded and there were a lot of people who had dangerous injuries so I had to wait and tie off my wound to stop the bleeding. After half an hour at exactly 8:40 pm I met the doctor. He asked me if I wanted to stitch up my finger or not, so I told him that my wound would not require stitches so I didn't want stitches. After that he put a Band-Aid on my finger and after 2 weeks my wound healed ..




    thnx to anybody wants help me :)
    Ok, lots of little things... Some corrections are subjective. I am native and would say it slightly differently. Also, I speak US English so it might sound different in Canada or England.
    Oh, and I am not a teacher but a native speaker

  2. Newbie
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    #4

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    Quote Originally Posted by birdeen's call View Post
    What do you mean by "on day"?
    i made a mistake i mean one day :)

  3. Newbie
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    #5

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    Quote Originally Posted by allenman View Post
    Ok, lots of little things... Some corrections are subjective. I am native and would say it slightly differently. Also, I speak US English so it might sound different in Canada or England.
    Oh, and I am not a teacher but a native speaker
    thanx alot native speaker

    i appreciate that bro .. :)

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    #6

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    lo3ti, you are apparently capable of using correct capitalization and punctuation. Why don't you use them when you're typing your posts? It looks a little disrespectful, as if the readers of your posts weren't as important as the destined readers of your paragraph.

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    #7

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    One day, while I was cutting onions to put it into my sausage sandwich, I suddenly cut my finger with a sharp knife. It started bleeding a lot of blood, so I quickly got dressed (had you been naked before?) and went to the nearest hospital to my house. I arrived at the hospital at 8:10 pm. It was crowded and there were a lot of people with serious injuries, so I had to wait and put pressure on my wound to stopped the bleed. After half an hour exactly at 8:40 pm I met the doctor, who asked me about if I wanted to have my finger stitched or not, so I told him that my wound didn't require stitches so I don’t want stitch after that he put a bandage on it. It was very effective, because after two weeks my wound healed up.
    Rover

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    #8

    Re: a very short paragraph wants to check :)

    Does the doctor really ask your advise about whether you need stitches or not? I thought he was the professional.

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