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  1. 5jj's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • British English
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      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic

    • Join Date: Oct 2010
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    A question of style rather than grammar.

    I wrote this in another thread:

    "[...] When the little girl first told my wife her chosen name, my wife, somewhat surprised, told her that it was a pretty-sounding name, but not possible. It was only when the girl insisted on her choice, and wrote it down, that my wife realised what was going on. My wife and I both spent some time trying to work on this little girl's name, without success. "

    I didn't like repeating 'my wife' and 'the girl', but 'she' led to possible ambiguity. Any suggestions on improvement, apart from the rather formal 'the former' and 'the latter'?

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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      • United States
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    Re: A question of style rather than grammar.

    So this little girl ("the party of the first part") told my wife ("the party of the second part")... Subsequently, the party of the first part ... at which point the party of the second part realized that the party of the first part...

    Hmm. Maybe that's not better after all :)

    You could give one of the females a name (even if it's fake) and then you'd only have one common noun.

    But I found absolutely nothing off about the original. It didn't seem too repetitious to me at all.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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