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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Would this be acceptable?

    Hello, this is my first post on this site, so I'd first like to take the opportunity to introduce myself to you all. I'm Dr. Wu, and though it has nothing to do with my real name, it's the name I shall be using on this forum. I don't do much writing, but when a subject I'm passionate about arises, the pen hits the paper, and I write away.

    In regard to this post, it was recently bought to my attention that for around 18 years now, three men have been in a maximum security prison in America for a crime that, after reviewing the evidence, I found myself convinced they didn't commit. These men are known as the West Memphis Three.

    Due to one of the convicted men having a predilection for poetry, I decided that though I have no experience in writing poetry, I thought it apt to try my hand at it.

    Now, my question is about two words I have used; tortured's, and illusious. I will now explain what I mean by those words. Tortured's means the one who has been tortured, and illusious means something with the characteristics of an illusion. I know that both of these are mistakes, and I accept that these words don't exist, but I see English as a fluid, ever changing and evolving entity. So, my question is, is it acceptable to make a word up, not off the top of your head, but as a etymological derivative of another word, if you can't find a word suiting your needs?

    I will paste the poem I've written so that you can get an idea of the context I've used them in. I will highlight the words with an asterisk on either side. Both are in the third verse.

    A fight to the death, between battling minds,
    a consequence less, to one of them binds,
    born of ignorance, the fuel of the flames,
    the wreathing of words, a foul grimace remains.

    A twisted reminder, of trials unjust,
    more or less broken, are the bonds of our trust,
    to protect and to serve, a promise diseased,
    that contorts all morals, in which we believe.

    Suspense in the air, but hold not your breath,
    the harsh nights are void, of the sandman's caress,
    the innocent shan't fear, an *illusious* ideal,
    but time's drawing near, for the *tortured's* last meal.

    A flicker of hope, from lands far away,
    a group of great thinkers, hope minds they can sway,
    from misconception, to light and the truth,
    to accept liability, for the burden of proof.

    For one man is not, can't mean three young men are,
    a need to bring justice, leaves the lengthiest scar,
    a scar there for life, when the justice is fake,
    withdraw the men's freedom, what more could you take?

    That grim threat of death, would be gleeful escape,
    without the support, of those who partake,
    the guilt lies with jurors, naught but truth in your plea,
    they took all but your lives, free the West Memphis Three.

    Thank you in advance to anybody who could help clear this up for me.
    Last edited by Dr. Wu; 23-Jan-2011 at 18:07. Reason: Typo's

  2. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Would this be acceptable?

    [QUOTE=Dr. Wu;706835]
    I will paste the poem I've written so that you can get an idea of the context I've used them in. I will highlight the words with an asterisk on either side. Both are in the third verse stanza.


    Suspense in the air, but hold not your breath,
    the harsh nights are void, of the sandman's caress,
    the innocent shan't fear, an *illusious* ideal,
    but time's drawing near, for the *tortured's* last meal.


    QUOTE]

    Hi Dr. Wu,

    Although you can see I am not a native, I don't see why the word illusory wouldn't fit in here. Maybe there's an aspect of its meaning which escapes my understanding of it, but I think it conveys the image you need and it also fits in terms of rhythm.

    As for "tortured's" in this context, in my opinion, it sounds OK: the last meal of the tortured man. I understand that you needed the Saxon genitive here for rhythm purposes only, and that the possessor (man) has been omitted for that same reason.

    Hope it helps (and that it makes sense).

    Greetings,

    Charliedeut.

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Would this be acceptable?

    Thank you for your reply, illusory is a perfect word to use, I'm rather embarrased I didn't think of it before. Tortured's still sounds wrong to me in a way, I think I might have to think of another way to describe it. I know it's probably not much to you, but you've been of immesurable help to me. Thank you once more. Oh, and thank you for correcting me on the verse/stanza situation, I must seem like such a fool, unfortunately I only learned to read and write around 3 1/2 years ago, so though English is my first language, I am still learning it's written form myself.
    Last edited by Dr. Wu; 23-Jan-2011 at 23:19.

  4. 5jj's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Would this be acceptable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Wu View Post
    Tortured's still sounds wrong to me in a way
    It certainly isn't what we'd normally expect to hear, but we don't apply the normal rules to poetry. It could be the right word precisely because it isn't.

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    #5

    Re: Would this be acceptable?

    There's nothing wrong with using the third verse.

    Rover

  5. Newbie
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    #6

    Re: Would this be acceptable?

    Thanks to everyone for their posts. I like the idea that it could be the right word because it isn't. I suppose things are different when used as poetic devices. Thank you all very much, you have given me the answers that I was hoping to hear.

  6. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Would this be acceptable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rover_KE View Post
    There's nothing wrong with using the third verse.

    Rover
    Certianly, the first word mentioned is in the third verse, but the other one is actually in the fourth verse. So I just found it more precise, in this case, to refer to the stanza in which both words appear. Nothing more. Nothing less.

    Thanks anyway.

    Greetings,

    Charliedeut

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