Proofread MBA admsn essay: Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line? Why.....

[bspkumar]

Hi All, I am posting one of my draft essays for MBA admission. Please check for the errors and let me know the modifications required. I have only 15 hours left to submit it online. Thank you.

Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line? Why and how do you think SIBM Pune will help you reach there? (300 words)
My goal is to contribute my skills in creating an equitable and strife free society with the help of media. I would like to be a media entrepreneur in the next five years. After graduating, apart from worked as an IT support executive, I prepared for Civil Service Exams, and worked as volunteer for couple of NGOs which gave me exposure to various Socio-Economic issues and learnt how media can be used to resolve these issues. After careful contemplation, I chose media as my career path and gave up the Civils’ preparation.

Many entrepreneurs have been using media innovation for social transformation. For example, Participant Media is an American film and television production company which finances and produces socially relevant films and documentaries. Video Volunteers, an international media and human rights NGO that promotes community media to enable citizen participation in marginalized and poor communities around the world. One World Media, ViewChange, Latin American Network of Art for Social Transformation, TED (Technology Entertainment and Design) are the few examples of such successful media innovations.

To shape a great idea into reality, it requires diverse range of skills and intimate knowledge of business. An MBA degree from SIBM with its robust pedagogy and strong industrial interface can act as a bridge between my theoretical knowledge and skills required for the industry. SIBM with more than 5000 alumni will help me to meet the like minded and to build a ‘symbiotic’ relationship for mutual benefit. The convergence of ideas and attitudes of different people from diverse educational and cultural background at SIMB will help me to learn new ways of planning and organizing things and solving problems. I believe that my strong determination and my skills that will be streamlined by SIMB will definitely help me in achieving my goal.

 

[JMurray]

Hi bsp. I hope this is OK. You missed out quite a few indefinite articles.

My goal is to contribute my skills in creating an equitable and strife-free society with the help of media. I would like to be a media entrepreneur in the next five years. After graduating, apart from working as an IT support executive, I prepared for Civil Service Exams and worked as a volunteer for a couple of NGOs which gave me exposure to various Socio-Economic issues, and I learnt how media can be used to resolve these issues. After careful contemplation I chose media as my career path and gave up the Civils preparation.

Many entrepreneurs have been using media innovation for social transformation. For example, Participant Media is an American film and television production company which finances and produces socially relevant films and documentaries. Video Volunteers is an international media and human rights NGO that promotes community media to enable citizen participation in marginalized and poor communities around the world. One World Media, ViewChange, Latin American Network of Art for Social Transformation, and TED (Technology Entertainment and Design) are a few more examples of such successful media innovations.

To shape a great idea into reality it requires a diverse range of skills and an intimate knowledge of business. An MBA degree from SIBM, with its robust pedagogy and strong industrial interface, can act as a bridge between my theoretical knowledge and the skills required for the industry. SIBM, with more than 5000 alumni, will help me to meet like-minded people and to build a ‘symbiotic’ relationship for our mutual benefit. The convergence of ideas and attitudes of different people from diverse educational and cultural backgrounds at SIMB will help me to learn new ways of planning, organizing things and solving problems. I believe that my strong determination and my skills, which will be streamlined by SIMB, will definitely help me in achieving my goal.