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    #1

    Unhappy Help spot mistakes Againn!!

    ESL teacher said i had some mistakes i corrected some of them can someone double check my work and grammar.

    My hands started sweating as I gripped the lap bar as hard as a first time driver on the road. The car began to move, as did my stomach. I instantly knew I was going to be sick. Then the rollercoaster started to go up this steep hill, my breathing got really heavy, and the only accommodating thought was the 3 year old sitting excitedly in front of me. Once I reached that tip top, there was a sudden silence, and then I rapidly felt like I was falling, but it wasnít a nauseating feeling, it was more of an exhilarating emotion. I was screaming so loud, but I loved it, even though I could hardly open my eyes or move any part of my body. That thrilling and breathtaking feeling was unforgettable at the end of the ride. I felt light headed, I could barely stand, but I was ready for more.
    After that awesome mind-blowing experience, I went on every roller coaster in the park. The scarier they got, the more I liked them. The increased heart rate caused by its loops, climbs and dives was fascinating. Next summer I went to Islands of Adventure and I experienced the Hulk, another astounding rollercoaster that really terrified every inch of me. All of a sudden I was addicted to them, and I could not stop. They were indeed the purpose of any theme park.
    Before Gwazi, there were other rides, but none as stimulating and exiting as the roller coaster. I canít imagine going to any theme park and not riding these fascinating monstrous machines. The screaming and the tensions along with the death-defying thrills make these rides incomparable and unique. I can honestly say that even though it was painful and tough to get on Gwazi, riding that wooden roller coaster truly changed my perspective and helped me fully enjoy all the rides of a theme park.

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    #2

    Re: Help spot mistakes Againn!!

    Nothing grammatical jumps out at me but the writing is very choppy and difficult to follow. This is not something that is easily taught. Your style comes with years of practice.
    I would give you full credit for your writing as shown -- just would not win any writing competitions. :(

    Not a teacher

  1. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Help spot mistakes Againn!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentf View Post
    ESL teacher said I had some mistakes; I corrected some of them. Can someone double check my work and grammar?

    My hands started sweating as I gripped the lap bar as hard as a first time driver on the road. The car began to move, as did my stomach. I instantly knew I was going to be sick. Then the rollercoaster started to go up this steep hill, my breathing got really heavy, and the only accommodating thought was the 3 year old sitting excitedly in front of me. Once I reached that tip top, there was a sudden silence, and then I rapidly felt like I was falling, but it wasnít a nauseating feeling, it was more of an exhilarating emotion. I was screaming so loud, but I loved it, even though I could hardly open my eyes or move any part of my body. That thrilling and breathtaking feeling was unforgettable at the end of the ride. I felt light headed, I could barely stand, but I was ready for more.
    After that awesome mind-blowing experience, I went on every roller coaster in the park. The scarier they got, the more I liked them. The increased heart rate caused by its loops, climbs and dives was fascinating. Next summer I went to Islands of Adventure and I experienced the Hulk, another astounding rollercoaster that really terrified every inch of me. All of a sudden I was addicted to them, and I could not stop. They were indeed the purpose of any theme park.
    Before Gwazi, there were other rides, but none as stimulating and exciting as the roller coaster. I canít imagine going to any theme park and not riding these fascinating monstrous machines. The screaming and the tensions along with the death-defying thrills make these rides incomparable and unique. I can honestly say that even though it was painful and tough to get on Gwazi, riding that wooden roller coaster truly changed my perspective and helped me fully enjoy all the rides of a theme park.
    Hi Studentf,

    You will see my correction to the text in red (and a larger font, so you can identify it): as you see it was just a matter of (probably) typing too quickly.

    Other than that, there were more mistakes in your short intro than in the text itself (as far as I could see).

    Hope it helps.

    Greetings,

    Charliedeut

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    #4

    Re: Help spot mistakes Againn!!

    I'm not sure what you mean by accommodating.

    '. . .the three-year-old. . .'

    '. . .tip hill-top. . .'

    '. . .the highlights of any theme park.'

    '. . .helped me to fully enjoy. . .'

    Rover

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