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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
      • Home Country:
      • Pakistan
      • Current Location:
      • Pakistan

    • Join Date: Jan 2011
    • Posts: 4
    #1

    Smile need help in personal statement

    this is my personal statement for application in undergraduate university..
    please proofread it..
    any advice is welcome ....



    Throughout my 13 years of education I have always been fascinated by computers. I have enjoyed studying A-levels computing, and it was through this coursework that I was able to learn Visual Basic, which is now a very important part of my life. I enjoy a very good teacher-student relationship with my computer teacher and he was the one who pushed me to pursue in this field. Apart from computing I also like math and I have always relished the opportunity to apply it in real life problems.

    My interest in computing and math has not been limited with the classroom exercises, but I also was an active member of the computer society at school. Moreover, I participated in the Bahria College Project Competition, where I designed a program entirely on Q-Basic and won the third place in the competition through my diligence and pure determination. I like to spend my spare time watching the Discovery channel and reading cyber magazines which help me to learn about different technological and scientific advancements.

    During my summer holidays I joined Askari Bank and did an internship in its online banking branch. Here I learned the actual processes that go behind all the transactions. I also learned and implemented my knowledge in practice.

    Apart from academics I have always liked to take responsibilities, as I was the President of my school's Social Work Society in the year 2009-2010. I am also a sports enthusiast; I enjoy playing football and cricket. I believe that sports play a very pivotal part in shaping one's character. It not only teaches self-discipline, team work and determination, but also polishes the leadership qualities of a person. I am a member of my college football team and also captain the local football team. In the recent floods in Pakistan I tested my managerial ability (as I enjoy taking up challenges), and organized a football tournament through which I was able to gather about Rs 20,000 for the flood victims.

    The purpose of computers is to assist humans and ease their work. This is the reason why the use of computers is increasing so much everyday. I wish to use my creative and imaginative thinking to develop such technologies so that they will benefit the people and the planet.



    thanks

  2. Newbie
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      • Native Language:
      • Greek
      • Home Country:
      • Greece
      • Current Location:
      • Greece

    • Join Date: Jan 2011
    • Posts: 2
    #2

    Re: need help in personal statement

    Use "Mathematics" instead of "math".
    I'll let you know if I spot anything else... I'm Greek myself so I need help from others as well.

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
      • Home Country:
      • Pakistan
      • Current Location:
      • Pakistan

    • Join Date: Jan 2011
    • Posts: 4
    #3

    Re: need help in personal statement

    THANK YOU HERMIT87

  4. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Lithuanian
      • Home Country:
      • Lithuania
      • Current Location:
      • Lithuania

    • Join Date: Feb 2011
    • Posts: 2
    #4

    Re: need help in personal statement

    I think its good. I'm not prof myself, but in my opinion 8/10

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