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      • Native Language:
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    • Join Date: Mar 2011
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    Please help me proofread this "long" motivation letter

    Hi fellow forum members

    My name is Raphael. I am applying for an exchange program in Rotterdam University in the Netherlands and below is my motivation letter. I realized that the letter is too long and maybe too boring but most of my friends are unable to cut it down. Please help me proofreading the essay. I will really appreciate it. (sorry I am not very familiar with the motivation letter of some universities. In the United States its usually Personal essay)
    If the problem here is the overall idea of the motivation letter, please also inform me.

    Thank you very much

    “I chose to study in the Netherlands because it is situated in the centre of Europe and, therefore, has a lot of influences from other countries. Although English is not the official language, practically everybody speaks English! This makes communication during my study in Holland comfortable and pleasant.” This is my very first reason in choosing schools for the exchange program. However, the more I search and study about the school and the country, the stronger my desire to study there is. After measuring through all the schools in the exchange list, Hogeschool Rotterdam is chosen to be my destination in the next spring semester.
    Holland is located in a center spot and also is a getaway to Europe, in which is only within one hour flight from Amsterdam to all famous European capitals e.g. London, Berlin, Paris, etc. Holland is also a unique non-English speaking country where 95% inhabitants can speak English fluently. In addition, Dutch education system is interactive and focuses on teamwork, which will help me to develop an open mind and increase my international orientation. This country is my choice because studying in there, I will be trained to analyze and solve practical problems independently through emphasis on self-study and self-discipline. There is one more interesting that Holland has strong national football team and also great league and big clubs. The next Euro will be celebrated in 2012. Being in there, I will have chance to watch international friendly football matches to prepare for such an important game. My passion in football has never been down.
    Hogeschool Rotterdam benefit considerably from being located in a city known throughout the world as a major and a hub of commercial activities. School of Financial and Commercial Management – part of Rotterdam University of Applied Science – is therefore more attractive for an International Business student like me. This education concentrates on the ability to work and communicate across several cultures, which are the key factor in business transaction. According to seniors, living cost in here is not really expensive. With the help of the school, international students will be applied for house with the price of 420€ per month. Spending for food stuff is just around 160€ per month. It is pretty high in comparison to Finland but still affordable for me.
    Even though Rotterdam is not near Amsterdam and also not as modern as Hogeschool INHolland, I decided to place it at my first choice instead of Alkmaar because of the IBEX modules the school provides. IBEX is the International Business Experience program provided to second and third year students. The modules have a solid practice-oriented program developed in consultation with the international business community. This program contains 8 compulsory modules (24ECTS) which most of them are compulsory in LAMK too, for example: Marketing management, Management Accounting or Finance, etc. There are several courses (not in LAMK syllabus) that I am really eager to participate. First of all is the Risk management. Risk is always able to happen in any business. This course will provide me methods to identify, evaluate and control risks. By these methods, appliers have the ability to transfer risks into opportunities. Next is the Project that requires students to convert business theory into real business practice within a real multinational company. Besides, skills and competencies such as management, leadership and teamwork will be enhance and adjust. Then, Business skills module provides some visit to several multinational companies and also some meetings with famous managers. These practical discussions will help participants beware of how to fit to the highly competitive and international labor market. One of the highlight in the syllabus is Stock Market Game. This virtual stock market is an investment game. Participating in this course, students will understand, get insight to the product and know ways of investing on stock exchange by themselves. Such kinds of game (like GMC or NIFF) also have in LAMK but there are no courses teaching about stock market at all. I like this practical style of teaching in at Rotterdam USA because they truly focus on real problems in today’s society.
    As the IBEX modules will be conducted at Hogeschool Rotterdam, I will have the chances to take part in the Institute's life, for instance, discuss the challenges and different issues presented by global business and economy and benefit from various activities and seminars held there. The international focus and aim of the university will help me gain wide knowledge of international finance and commercial management. Now, as I once again evaluate what I really want my exchange to be, I am counting the importance of this Programme for me. The perspectives I have thought about my future career in international companies have left in me a passion for learning of international business and globalization and I believe, I am on the right path now, anxiously await the next phase in my development and passionate about challenging myself with powerful business lessons that will help me grow as a future manager and leader at international companies. I am sure that I will succeed and receive expected results during the study at Rotterdam UAS, because I am ready both psychologically and academically. I feel that School of Finance and Commercial Management at Hogeschool Rotterdam is one of the best places to study my wished programme. And “When it comes to international business, Rotterdam is the place to be! Europe’s biggest port, the financial and business heart of the Netherlands, many international companies, a multicultural city … a true gateway to the rest of the world!”
    Last edited by raphael13; 03-Mar-2011 at 07:35.

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