Editing Letter

[coador]

I need some help on edting this letter can somebody give me a hand on this. I am looking for gigs in the schools around my area to play the piano. I was looking for other forums but I haven't found a forum in editing so they can help me if any body has any suggestion on any forum please let me know. the letter is as below. Feel free to add and take what is necessary. Please also give me some idea on how to make this letter better in terms of the standards.

To whom it may concern:

This letter is in regards to Daniel Rodriguez I am a piano music accompanist. Pianist and organist accompanist that provide services for the schools of elementary, middle school, high school, and churches. I provide piano accompaniment for recitals and presentations. I provide accompaniment for Elementary school bands Middle and High school bands, such as big bands and regular bands, choirs, and musicals. I also provide individual music tutoring to all students that need assistance.​

 

[JMurray]

coador.
This might help you and maybe someone else will give you another version to work with.

My name is Daniel Rodriguez, I'm a piano music accompanist. I provide a service as both a piano and organ accompanist for schools, from elementary through to high school, as well as for churches. I can also offer piano accompaniment for recitals and presentations, for elementary, middle and high school bands, both big and regular bands, and can work with choirs and in musicals. Individual tutoring to all students who need assistance is also available.

not a teacher

 

[coador]

coador.
This might help you and maybe someone else will give you another version to work with.

My name is Daniel Rodriguez, I'm a piano music accompanist. I provide a service as both a piano and organ accompanist for schools, from elementary through to high school, as well as for churches. I can also offer piano accompaniment for recitals and presentations, for elementary, middle and high school bands, both big and regular bands, and can work with choirs and in musicals. Individual tutoring to all students who need assistance is also available.

not a teacher

Great edit. I wonder if that's enough for them or if I am missing some other information. I know I have to put some type of contact like e-mail phone, address etc.

My name is Daniel Rodriguez, I'm a piano music accompanist. I provide a service as both a piano and organ accompanist for schools, from elementary through to high school, as well as for churches. I can also offer piano accompaniment for recitals and presentations, for elementary, middle and high school bands, both big and regular bands, and can work with choirs and in musicals. Individual tutoring to all students who need assistance is also available.


Daniel Rodriguez
23 Smith street
Lancaster,PA
10345

Cell. 347-329-3923
e-mail- coador at yahoo.com


Daniel Rodriguez

_________________________________

Thank you JMurray

 

[Rover_KE]

Coador, you'll need to mention that you've undergone some sort of official criminal record check to clear you to work with children.

In the UK we have a CRB check for this purpose. I can't help feeling that a similar requirement is necessary in the USA.

Rover

 

[co.ador]

Good point rover,

Where in the letter you think I should place that information about the backgroun check?

 

[Rover_KE]

Anywhere, really. Maybe after 'churches'.

 

[JMurray]

coador.
Glad you like the edit. I'm not sure, but perhaps you don't need to mention the record check in what is really an introductory letter. I'm certain that if it is a requirement in the US then the matter will be raised once some contact has been made with a prospective client. If you do need to include something like that in your letter then I feel it should be separate from your main text but just before the contact details. It's an important piece of information and may well be legally necessary, but it's not part of your pitch ("Hi, I'm a music accompanist and I don't have a criminal record"). Maybe you could make enquiries and even talk to someone in a similar line of work and get some advice.

The only extra thing that occurred to me, not knowing your circumstances, is that you might want to indicate whether you are looking for work in a particular city or area, or that you are free to travel longer distances to wherever the job is. This could go at the end of the main text. Something like: "... available. I would be happy/pleased to consider any positions in the xxxx area".