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  1. Mehrgan's Avatar
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    #1

    Question "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Hi,
    I once heard 'congratulations' is not a polite term to be said to a female who's recently got married. Is that right?


    Thanks.

  2. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mehrgan View Post
    Hi,
    I once heard 'congratulations' is not a polite term to be said to a female who's recently got married. Is that right?


    Thanks.
    According to the traditional rules of etiquette, yes. You first address the bride offering her "best wishes" and then you address the groom with "congratulations".

    Congratulations imply that he got lucky to get such a woman and also that he pursued her. To say to a woman that she got lucky to get such a man or that she was the pursuer is (considered) insulting to her. Consider this in the context of "traditional" view of courtship where the man had to win the woman.

  3. Mehrgan's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    According to the traditional rules of etiquette, yes. You first address the bride offering her "best wishes" and then you address the groom with "congratulations".

    Congratulations imply that he got lucky to get such a woman and also that he pursued her. To say to a woman that she got lucky to get such a man or that she was the pursuer is (considered) insulting to her. Consider this in the context of "traditional" view of courtship where the man had to win the woman.

    Do such rules still matter? What are the common phrases used nowadays?

    Thanks!

  4. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    It depends on the couple. But this rule is outdated for majority of people.

    I'd imagine if they're "traditional" and she's been a debutante, you should probably follow the proper etiquette. If she's a feminist, you'd better not. If they're a same sex couple, good luck figuring this out!

    Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!"

  5. riquecohen's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    It depends on the couple. But this rule is outdated for majority of people.

    If they're a same sex couple, good luck figuring this out! Gratuitous comments such as this one only serve to demean gay people.

    Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!" Nice. This would certainly be appropriate for a same-sex couple.
    This is 2011.

  6. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by riquecohen View Post
    This is 2011.
    I will attempt to avoid any personalization in my future posts.

    I don't see how anything I said is demeaning and no offense of any kind was meant but this is off-topic. You are welcome to message me.

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    #7

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!"

    freezeframe: are you saying that "Mate, you got lucky but it won't last" and "He's not good enough for you, you'll regret this", are not suitable?

  7. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by JMurray View Post
    Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!"

    freezeframe: are you saying that "Mate, you got lucky but it won't last" and "He's not good enough for you, you'll regret this", are not suitable?
    Provide more context, please.

    The first suggestion -- "Mate, you got lucky but it won't last" -- might be perfectly suited for a pirate themed wedding. Yarr!

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    #9

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mehrgan View Post
    Hi,
    I once heard 'congratulations' is not a polite term to be said to a female who's recently got married. Is that right?
    Replace polite with traditional. It's certainly not rude to say it.

    Rover

  8. nyota's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: "Congratulation!" for marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    I'd imagine if they're "traditional" and she's been a debutante, you should probably follow the proper etiquette. If she's a feminist, you'd better not. If they're a same sex couple, good luck figuring this out!
    If they're a same sex couple getting married, they're probably not very traditional.

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