revise my motivation letter please

[eLyutata]

i need some advices to correct this.
thaks b4.. :-D

[FONT=&quot]Dear Sir or Madam, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
My name is Elita Yunanda. I am a student currently enrolled in Universitas Pembangunan Nasional “Veteran” Yogyakarta majoring International Relation. I wish to apply for the International Youth Exchange Program, especially Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP). I would also kindly like to introduce myself for the candidacy opportunity to be nominated for Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP) during 2011-2012.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I would like first to briefly introduce myself. I come from a family that values cultural highly. I have been a person who likes to work with numbers since I started at school. I have always been motivated by my parents especially my mother and I always do the best I can at my studies. Therefore, I have always been one of the best students from primary school to university. I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My strengths are self-confidence, focus, passion, optimistic, and perseverance. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I am a highly motivated, initiative, hard-working, and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate. I am good at working individually and also good at working as part of a team. I easily adapt to new situations, and I make friends easily. I am a person who always learns from my mistakes and failures. My weaknesses are doubt, frustrations, and being stagnant.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]During my studies, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in social politics especially how to negotiating and diplomacy. I am familiar with international or national issues because in my courses, there are always analyzing, describing even explaining several issues social, and political economics global. I have to presentations my paper so this helps me to be able to speak in front of people easily and clearly.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My studies are analyzing, describing and explaining several issues both international and national, include Europe Union issues such as Canada. Beside fundamental diplomatic knowledge,also study about military base of security and defense that became national aspect. Even though my undergraduate program has given me a strong background in the fundamentals of various international relation, such as social, political, and economic. This is not enough for me to be a professional. I have to more practice to enrich my skills and broaden my knowledge.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Though I enjoy my courses, I always have the dream to be able to continue my study in social-politics abroad. I came to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. But in my country, unfortunately, there are very few opportunities in this area, in which it is difficult to enhance my potential. Encouraged by the lecturers, I decided to apply for the International Youth Exchange Program 2011.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I believe that this program has a positive impact for my study because it take in study of International Relation. All human activity in fields such as information technology, economics, physics, social as well as others, will run well if they are cited within a good diplomatic framework. This fact stimulated me to attend the International Relation at Universitas Pembangunan Nasional “Veteran” Yogyakarta. I chose Negotiation-Diplomacy as my specialization even though at that time, not many people knew about essential of diplomatic relation. Many people just knew about international relations but could not explain more about it.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The reason I choose Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange program (ICYEP) is because of its fascinating and prestigious program. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Meanwhile, located in Canada, a city of culture and high technology, the chance to study at Canada would give me the opportunity to exchange information with other students from different cultures and nationalities. I can meet different kind of people that will give me different point of views, thus, contributing for my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]With high-quality education in multidisciplinary courses in combination with a good atmosphere, I am confident that I will have a pleasant stay as wonderful as it has been for previous participants. In addition, with my good skill in speaking English, skill dancing of traditional culture, sewing, little skill of magic. I know that in ICYEP need of cultural aspect as part of culture diplomatic mission from Indonesia.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I consider myself to be a good candidate for ICYEP because I am a young, energetic, hardworking, visionary, and motivated person, and I believe that I can do something for the benefit of my country where I have been studying. I have done my best and given the maximum effort I could give for my institution. But this is not enough, I am not satisfied yet with what I have done. I believe that I can do much better if I am trained and developed further, by this program.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Thank you in advance for considering my application.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Yours Faithfully,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Elita Yunanda[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

 

[shroob]

[FONT=&quot]Dear Sir or Madam, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
My name is Elita Yunada, I am a student enrolled at Unversitas Pembangunan Nasional "Veteran" Yogyakarta, my major is International Relations. I would like to be considered for the opportunity to be nominated for the Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP) for 2011-2012.

I would like to briefly introduce myself. I come from a family that values culture highly. Also I have always had an interest in numbers, ever sine I started school. My parents have been a source of constant motivation, especially my mother, to always do my best in my studies. Resulting that throughout my education, from primarmy school to university, I have been a high achiever.

My strenghts are self-confidence, fouc, passion, optimism and perseverance. Furthermore, I am highly motivated, have initiative and a hardworking and ambitious person. I am equally comfortable working alone or as part of a group. Being in new situations stimulates me and I am able to make friends easily. I am able to learn from my mistakes and any failures, ensuring that they do not happen again. My weaknesses are doubt, frustration and stagnancy.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]During my studies, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in social politics, especially diplomacy and how to negotiate. I am familiar with international and national issues [/FONT][FONT=&quot]due to my course. Analysing, describing and explaining issues within social, political, economic and global context. Delivering presentations to audiences comes easy to me, I am able to speak clearly in front of people.

My studies include a global world view, as well as specific issues to countries, such as Canada. Studying at an undergraduate level has given me a strong background in the fundamentals of various internatal relations, however this has only made me want to continue my studies to a professional level and expand my knowledge. This would be almost impossible in my native country, hence my desire to be part of the International Youth Exchange Program 2011-2012.

The IYEP would fit well with my study in International Relations, which highlights the benefits of working within an international framework. The idea of partisipating in the IYEP first came to me when was on my course at university. I chose the Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Programme due to its contents and prestige. The course description greatly appeals to me and believe that it will be of great benefit to me to partisipate. The chance to study in Canana, a country of culture and technology, will give the opportunity to exhance information with students from other cultures and nationalities. From my own background, I am knowledgable in traditional customs such as sewing and magical practices. The high quality of education offered and an atmosphere conductive to learning means I am sure to have as a pleasant stay as previous partisipants have had.

In summary, I consider myself to be a good candidate for the ICYEP because I am young, energetic, hardworking, visionary and motivated. I would like the opportunity to do something beneficial for my country as well as for Canada. My studies show that I have always tried and achieved greatly. I believe that partisipation in this program will greatly improve my development further and fulfil my potential.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Thank you in advance for considering my application.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]
Yours Faithfully,


Not a teacher only a native.

I have attempted to re-write your application, though a few things don't add up. For example, you say you have 'self confidence' as a strength, but under weaknesses you list doubt. Also 'stagnancy' isn't often used in a personal context.

This was done fairly quickly, please check it over and use this as a framework not a finished article.

All the best.
[/FONT]

 

[eLyutata]

if i change my weakness[FONT=&quot] are easy forgotten, panic, and sometimes be afraid.
what your opinion??

thank you so much... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]