Your essay is well-organized and coherent. However, I think if you amend it slighly, it's better.
The first tangible thing is that you used a lot of word " his/her". Instead of, you can diversify your vocabulary by quoting its synonyms. For example, it sounds better with offspring or descendant.
Another small error comes from your thesis statement. If you form the subtopic under verb phrases, don't use the word "qualities".
In addition, you should try to give some examples about your lifes. It'll be more persuasive and clearer.
Student or Learner