Results 1 to 3 of 3
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: Jul 2008
    • Posts: 5
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Could you please edit my essay

    What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities changed or remained the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
    --------
    Nowadays, in modern society, everything changes quickly. But there are something that never chang. It is generally agreed that the important qualities of a good son or daughter are: show respect to their parents, make them proud of him or her and look after parents frequently. There are three of reasons why I would agree with that claim.

    The first and foremost thing is the respectful attitude to parents because this is a basic lesson about how to become a person .To be a good child, you have to softly say with your parents. Even though, your parents could make something wrongly before, you still choose appropriate language in order to talk to them. If your parents do not concur with you about something, you should be quiet and listen to them.

    Secondly, Parents always desire to see your success. Thus, a good son/daughter needs to try learning and hard working. And you must keep yourself healthy, obtain the good job and have well position in society. A good son/daughter has to make his/her parents be proud of him/her instead of being anxious about his/her.

    Last but not least, a good son/ daughter should keep an eye on his/her parents, especially when his/her parents get older. As Vietnamese saying goes: when young one relies on one's father, when old on one's children. You also have to take care of your parents whenever they are ill or tired.

    In conclusion, parents are a great gift of our lives. Thus, we should be respectful, loving and caring toward them. Also you should try to become a successful person in order to our parents always proud of us.
    -----------------------

    Thanks in advance!
    @ Ms Minnie:Please check my essay. Thanks indeed!
    Last edited by vuthan2100; 05-Apr-2011 at 09:24.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: Feb 2011
    • Posts: 11
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Could you please edit my essay

    Dear vuthan,

    Your essay is well-organized and coherent. However, I think if you amend it slighly, it's better.

    The first tangible thing is that you used a lot of word " his/her". Instead of, you can diversify your vocabulary by quoting its synonyms. For example, it sounds better with offspring or descendant.

    Another small error comes from your thesis statement. If you form the subtopic under verb phrases, don't use the word "qualities".

    In addition, you should try to give some examples about your lifes. It'll be more persuasive and clearer.

    Be well,
    tangbinh

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Netherlands
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Mar 2011
    • Posts: 217
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: Could you please edit my essay

    not teacher

    Hope this helps. )


    Nowadays, in modern society,things (not everything does) change quickly, but there are some--things that never change, such as relationships in a family.
    It is generally agreed on that some important qualities of a good son or daughter are: to earn the respect ofparents; to make parents proud by succeeding in life; and to take care of elderly parents as best they can.
    Most important is a respectful attitude toward parents, because this is a lesson in how to become a good person. To be a good child, one must speak softly with their parents. Though ones' parents may have done something inappropriate in the past, one must still choose appropriate language with which to talk to them. If parents do not agree with you on an issue, one should be quiet and listen to them.

    Secondly, parents always desire to see their childred succeed. Thus, a good son or daughter needs to work hard at school and stay healthy, in order to obtain a good job and have a solid position in society. A good son or daughter should try to make his or her parents proud instead of anxious.

    Last but not least, a good son or daughter should keep an eye on their parents, especially when parents get older. As a Vietnamese saying goes: when young, one relies on one's father, when old, on one's children. One should also take care of parents whenever they are ill or tired.

    In conclusion, parents are a great gift in our lives. Thus, we should be respectful, loving and caring toward them. Children should try to become a successful person in order to make their parents proud of them.
    -----------------------

Similar Threads

  1. [Essay] please help edit my essay
    By lalashow in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-Jul-2010, 09:50
  2. May you help me edit my first essay, please?
    By nongporz in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 26-Jul-2007, 13:12
  3. Edit my essay, please
    By alexyou in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 30-May-2007, 15:54
  4. Replies: 9
    Last Post: 29-Mar-2007, 03:46
  5. Edit my Essay
    By Edil in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 27-Dec-2006, 21:06

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •