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    #1

    A tribal regime

    Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks


    In these tribal countries, state institutions such as parliament, political parties, government, judiciary, constitution, election etc., serve only as a modern backdrop while, in fact, we are talking about a tribal regime which acts in accordance with the collective desire and the motivation of the leading tribe to be at the helm, thereby its ability to rule appears to be legitimate. However, the people, who know the truth, are taking to the streets in masses to demonstrate, with the ruling tribe firing into the protesters in order to kill, in keeping with a longstanding and notorious tradition in certain countries in the region.

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    #2

    Re: A tribal regime

    Quote Originally Posted by motico View Post
    Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks






    In these tribal countries, state institutions such as parliament, political parties, government, judiciary, constitution, election etc., serve only as a modern backdrop while, in fact, we are talking about a tribal regime which acts in accordance with the collective desire and the motivation of the leading tribe to be at the helm, thereby its ability to rule appears to be legitimate. However, the people, who know the truth, are taking to the streets in masses to demonstrate, with the ruling tribe firing into the protesters in order to kill, in keeping with a longstanding and notorious tradition in certain countries in the region.

    ***** NOT A TEACHER *****


    (1) I most respectfully suggest a few minor changes to "tighten up"

    your paragraph, which -- as usual -- is excellent.

    (a) "leading tribe to be at the helm" seems redundant. "Leading" =

    at the helm.

    (b) I am not comfortable in including "government" and "political

    parties" under the heading of "state institutions." I think that "state"

    often means "government." Furthermore, political parties are not

    supposed to be part of "state institutions." Supposedly (!!!) political

    parties are independent entities in a democracy.

    (c) In these tribal countries, the state institutions (such as the

    executive, legislative, and judicial branches) serve only as a modern

    backdrop while, in fact, a tribal regime follows the collective desires

    and motivations of the leading tribe, thus claiming to legitimately

    represent the society as a whole. The people, however, know the

    truth, and are now taking to the streets in mass demonstrations. In

    keeping with a longstanding and notorious tradition in certain countries,

    the ruling tribe is countering these protests with deadly force.

  1. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: A tribal regime

    Quote Originally Posted by TheParser View Post
    (b) I am not comfortable in including "government" and "political

    parties" under the heading of "state institutions." I think that "state"

    often means "government." Furthermore, political parties are not

    supposed to be part of "state institutions." Supposedly (!!!) political

    parties are independent entities in a democracy.
    Government is redundant in a list of "state institutions" but "political parties" is fine.

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