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  1. Roselin's Avatar
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    #1

    Descriptive on a dog

    Teachers, you are requested to have a look at this piece of writing and suggest corrections if required.

    Having problem in concluding the paragraph.


    A wonderful dog

    The moment I enter my home, I am greeted by a wonderful friend and companion of mine, Tony- my dog. He is such a darling for me that I miss him whenever I am out of the home. He is brown in colour and about 3 feet tall. He has big long ears always hung downwards. Three strands of hair standing straight up on his head make him look funny. His two brown eyes outlined with thin black lashes are as deep as an ocean. He has a small nose with a big black dot on it. The front two legs are curved outwards. He is very smart and stubborn by nature. When he doesn’t want to eat his cookies, he hides them in the sand in the backyard. He is scared of my father only. He doesn’t like bathing but loves to roll in mud.
    He wags his tail whenever he has to show his love for others. He likes to play with balls. Whenever we throw a ball away, he fetches it to us. During winters he curls up in our laps, all snug and warm. He becomes angry very soon if we don’t pay attention to him. He barks as loud as possible if hungry. I still remember the day when he was brought by my mother. He was only 7 days old, couldn’t even walk properly. Every time he would try to walk, he would fall down, for he was too short heighted that his stomach would touch the ground, causing him problem to walk properly. We fed him milk by a bottle. He would chewed our sandals if we didn’t take him out with us. We cherish his childhood memories. He has become a member of our family.
    Last edited by Roselin; 08-May-2011 at 17:47.

  2. Roselin's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Descriptive on a dog

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    There are a few corrections needed in the text. The major problem here is that you keep referring to the dog as "it". I assume that the dog is male. You should refer to the dog as "he". I suggest that you rewrite this text replacing "it" with "he" and repost it for more comments.
    I read in some grammar book that he or she is used for human beings and if animals are human beings then do use he or she. Thinking that I used IT.

    Anyway I am replacing that with he.

    Thanks for commenting.

  3. Roselin's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Descriptive on a dog

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    Generally, use "he" or "she" for living things.
    I saw the hen as she was flying across the field.
    I heard the old dog as he dug a hole.

    Use "it" for things that are not alive.

    I didn't see the rock and I almost hit it.
    The car was going too fast and I couldn't stop it.

    Sometimes you can use "he" and "she" when speaking about things that are not alive. If there is some emotional involvment with a thing that is not alive -
    I love my car, she is so fast.

    There are also cases when "she" is used to refer to things that are not alive -

    The USS Midway (a naval ship) is in San Diego. She can be seen during most days.
    Yes, I admit that, Sir. Non living thins like moon, ship , breeze etc are used as a living thing and taken as a feminine especially in poetry.

    I have changed the pronoun from it to he. Would you please have a look at that again and tell me if any more correction is required?

  4. Roselin's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Descriptive on a dog

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    I adhere to a rule that numbers under 10 are spelled out.
    My GOD!!!! I made so many mistakesss

    Thanks for correcting them

  5. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Descriptive on a dog

    That's a very nice essay. Makes me miss my dog from when I was a child.

    Gillnetter, I'm curious about this sentence:

    We cherish his childhood memories.
    I would have changed it to "we cherish our memories of his childhood" or "we cherish the memories of him as a puppy". Do you consider the original to be okay? I mean it's obvious what the writer is trying to say. It just reads weird to me.

  6. freezeframe's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Descriptive on a dog

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    We cherish his childhood memories
    Yes, I agree. Any of your suggestions would be better. There really is no way that one can cherish the memories of someone else - memories are specific to a person and are contained in that person. I opted to not comment on this because there were too many other things going on in the text and this matter is a bit complex.
    Thank you for your reply. You not correcting that made me doubt myself and that doesn't happen very often!

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