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    #1

    Gran finale

    This is the very end of my final dissertation, but I need a much more effective conclusion. Could you PLEASE help mme???

    In addition, the study of the doublings facilitates not only the discovery of Bacon’s inspirational source (i.e. Machiavelli) but also the resonance it had on his followers (i.e. Hobbes). As previously assessed, ‘State’ and ‘Estate’ are two evolutionary forms of the same Latin noun; hence, they must not be viewed as two interlocked keywords of Bacon’s Essayes, but rather as just one (keyword).

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    #2

    Re: Gran finale

    Quote Originally Posted by ozma- View Post
    This is the very end of my final dissertation, but I need a much more effective conclusion. Could you PLEASE help mme???

    In addition, the study of the doublings facilitates not only the discovery of Bacon’s inspirational source (i.e. Machiavelli) but also the resonance it had on his followers (i.e. Hobbes). As previously assessed, ‘State’ and ‘Estate’ are two evolutionary forms of the same Latin noun; hence, they must not be viewed as two interlocked keywords of Bacon’s Essayes, but rather as just one (keyword).

    ***** NOT A TEACHER *****


    Hello, Ozma:

    (1) I am not intellgent enough to revise your final paragraph, but I

    am answering for two reasons:

    (a) Perhaps a writer will be inspired to answer you.

    (b) I just wanted to share a few thoughts.

    (2) With the greatest respect, I agree that the paragraph is

    not too effective and would not make too favorable an impression

    on your professors. (Of course, I am just referring to the English.

    I know no thing about the content.)

    (3) Here are my humble (and I mean "humble") suggestions:

    (a) Strip the paragraph of all unnecessary phrases, such as:

    In addition; as previously assessed; hence.

    (b) Eliminate the use of "i.e."

    (i) Maybe you could express those ideas something like:

    facilitates not only the discovery of Machiavelli, Bacon's

    inspirational source, but also the resonance it had on his

    followers, such as Hobbes.

    (c) Get rid of those "annoying" parentheses at the very end.

    (i) Maybe something like: ... but rather as a single keyword.



    (4) Some of the teachers at this site are or were university

    instructors. One moderator is a professional writer. Hopefully,

    some of them will give you some advice.

    Best of luck on your dissertation. Wishing you great success in

    your chosen field.



    Sincerely,


    James

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