[Essay] Please review my eesay

[japonsik]

Hello,

Please review my essay.



The visiting museum is am important part of our lives. Many people visit museums when we travel to new place giving us something excitement. Some people believe that people visit museums when we travel to new place. Others disagree. In my view,people want to learn and have more fun when you visit museums in a new place.


First, the museums can learn more about different culture. For example, when I went to trip to Sweden with my friend, I went to 15 museums and palaces suggesting by my friend idea. He wanted show me how they have nice palaces and histories in his place, Visiting many museums made me very impressed as the county and liked more about Sweden. After go back to my country, Japan. I felt like I know much more about Sweden, not only eating or buying cloths but also learn about historical things about his country. As you can see,
people visit museums is to learn about the new place.

Second, we can have more fun visiting museums. For instance, when I visited in Italy with my friend, we really had no idea where to go because it is new place. so we bought a guide book and we could see many deferent kind of museums we would go. so we decided to go to the museums as much as we have can. our time was very wise and nice, visiting museums. This made us keeping busy and not have to worry about what should we do for new place. Also they made us more fun in such a new place. This experience taught me that it is good to visit museums when I visit in a new place so I can have more fun.

In sum, people visit museum is not only spent great time with new place which doesn't have to worry about what we should do but also we can have more fun to see painting or photos in museums. That's why we should all visit to museums to create more memorable visiting when you travel.

 

[throllen]

Visiting museum is an important part of our lives. Many people visit museum when they travel to new place, giving them some excitement. Some people believe that people should visit museum when they travel to new place. Others disagree. In my opinion, the reasons why people visit museum are because they want to learn and have fun.


First, visiting museum can learn more about different culture. For example, when I went to trip to Sweden with my friend, I went to 15 museums and palaces suggested by my friend; he wanted show me how they have nice palaces and histories in his place. Visiting those museums made me respect the county and like Sweden more. After go back to my country, Japan, I felt like I know much more about Sweden, not only from its materialistic enjoyment, but also learn about historical things about his country. As you can see, people visit museum to learn about the new place.

Second, we can have more fun visiting museums. For instance, when I visited in Italy with my friend, we really had no idea where to go because it was a new place. so we bought a guide book and we could see many different kinds of museums available. So, we decided to go to those museums as much as we could. Our time was well-spent visiting museums. This kept us busy and not having to worry about what should to do in Italy. This experience taught me that it is good to visit museums when I visit in a new place so I can have more fun.

In summary, people visit museum not only spent great time with new place, but also have more fun to see exhibitions in museum. That's why we should all visit to museum to create a more memorable moment when we travel.

Ok, 1 thing you need to work on.

sentence structure: reread your work outloud. if you run into anything weird sounding sentence, those are usually errors and need to be fixed.

 

[Raymott]

Visiting a museum is an important part of our lives. Many people visit museums when they travel to new places, giving them some excitement. Some people believe that people should visit museums when they travel to new places. Others disagree. In my opinion, the reasons why people visit museum are because they want to learn and have fun.
...

Ok, 1 thing you need to work on.

Sentence structure: reread your work out loud. If you [STRIKE]run into anything [/STRIKE]come across a weird sounding sentence, [STRIKE]those are[/STRIKE] this usually means there are errors which need to be fixed.

You need to work on plurals and articles.
Are you sure your English is good enough to be correcting other learners?