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    #1

    A source of great concern

    Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks!

    However, the mounting shocks which the regime is experiencing today, along with growing doubts as for its ability to survive over time, undermine these two political structures and serve as a source of great concern and stress, which is hard to conceal, to the two countries leading them.

  1. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: A source of great concern

    Quote Originally Posted by motico View Post
    Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks!


    However, the mounting shocks which the regime is experiencing today, along with growing doubts as for about its ability to survive over time, undermine these two political structures and serve as a source of great concern and stress, which is hard to conceal, to the two countries leading them.
    A precis:
    "The shocks and doubts undermine the political structures, and cause concern to the two countries, which is hard to conceal."
    Who is "them" in "the two countries leading them"? I can only think of "political structures", but countries don't "lead" political structures.

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    #3

    Re: A source of great concern

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    A precis:
    "The shocks and doubts undermine the political structures, and cause concern to the two countries, which is hard to conceal."
    Who is "them" in "the two countries leading them"? I can only think of "political structures", but countries don't "lead" political structures.
    I'll try to rephrase the sentence:

    However, the mounting shocks which the…. regime is experiencing today, along with growing doubts about its ability to survive over time, undermine these two political axes. Moreover, all this cause an evident concern and stress to the two countries heading these axes.

    Please, tell me if it sounds better. Thanks.

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    #4

    Re: A source of great concern

    Quote Originally Posted by motico View Post
    I'll try to rephrase the sentence:


    However, the mounting shocks which the…. regime is experiencing today, along with growing doubts about its ability to survive over time, undermine these two political axes. Moreover, all this cause an evident concern and stress to the two countries heading these axes.


    Please, tell me if it sounds better. Thanks.
    I suppose as long as your reader knows what it means for a country to "head an axis", it's OK. That might be clarified in context of the rest of the passage.

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    #5

    Re: A source of great concern

    Yes, indeed. Thank you!

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