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  1. rainous's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Galician
      • Home Country:
      • Armenia
      • Current Location:
      • Antilles

    • Join Date: Jun 2011
    • Posts: 336
    #1

    The white flurry of snow

    "The white flurry of snow would’ve undoubtedly been less coy had kids come out from the school. "


    If I told you the sentence above were excerpted from a poetry, would you buy it?

    I just translated a poetry into English (Boy, it's so tough.. translating poetry;) and I just wanna know whether the above sentence looks like a line from a poetry or a borderline flop which doesn't evoke even the slightest sliver of poetic thoughts.

    thanks

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • American English
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    • Join Date: Mar 2007
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    #2

    Re: The white flurry of snow

    I don't understand the word "coy" here. Also, I don't think of contractions (would've) as being very poetic.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: The white flurry of snow

    It's OK. But a particular instance of "poetry" is called "a poem" not "a poetry."

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