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  1. Newbie
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    Red face Need outside opinion on Essay.

    I'm applying to the Honors College and need some opinions on my essay. The essay is about my career and academic goals. Thanks in advance!!!
    Essay is below:

    Upon receiving my Bachelorís Degree in Biological Sciences from the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC), I will use my undergraduate education and extracurricular activity experiences to shape me into the ideal applicant for Medical School. I am eager to face the challenges of what it takes to provide service and support for others. I look forward to broadening my education as a graduate student and deepening my love and appreciation for medical science. This goal will take hard work, commitment, and an immense amount of dedication. I know that the passion I have for the quality of life and caring for others will drive me to accomplish this goal.
    Receiving my M.D/PhD upon graduating from Medical School will set up the foundation for me to achieve my career goal of becoming a successful physician specializing in Obstetrics/Gynecology (OB/GYN). I also plan to conduct research projects that focus on womenís health and OB/GYN sciences to improve the healthcare for women and infants. My ultimate career goal is to establish my very own medical practice that delivers quality care and compassion. I want to establish this practice in Illinois rural and/or urban areas. Many rural residents have limited access to healthcare because of the lack of insurance and the tendency of health care professionals to establish their practice in urban and suburban areas. I would also like to establish my practice in medically underserved urban areas. These two different areas strive for me to become a physician. They are both in need of adequate healthcare. My lifetime goal is to help out both of these areas.
    To reach my career goals I will need to start here at UIC. To be a great candidate for UICís College of Medicine I know that UICís Honors College will give me the skills and benefits to be the ideal applicant. I strive to graduate with a 3.5 GPA or higher. My academic achievement is very important. I love to challenge myself with different courses and try to my fullest potential to receive the best grade possible.
    Physicians are the leaders in their field, so obtaining leadership skills is very important during my time as a college student. Iím currently Vice-President of the Urban Health Program that focuses on assisting minority students on their path to healthcare fields. Iím a Resident Assistant for UIC Campus Housing, which helps to create a community and advice campus residents. Learning more about the health care system is a goal that I also want to achieve. Iím currently an intern at RML Specialty Hospital and Iíve done volunteer services for RUSH Hospital. Research is an important thing for me to acquire to reach my career goal. Iíve worked at UICís College of Medicine Research in the Histology department and Iím open to assisting with new research projects.
    Iíve gained many skills from some of the goals I have achieved during my college career, but there is always room to achieve, learn, and experience more. I am confident that UICís Honors College will give me the opportunity to achieve more goals and open my eyes to new possibilities. With the attributes I could gain by being an Honors College student, I know that I could turn my dream of becoming a physician into reality.

  2. konungursvia's Avatar
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    Re: Need outside opinion on Essay.

    Honestly, it sounds rather like most of them. Let down your guard, relax, and show some of your personality. Something different about you, what you love.

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