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  1. Offroad's Avatar
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    #1

    awkward sentences?

    Dear teachers

    Does this construction read well?

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love which in fact I don't really believe is true.

    Thanks

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    #2

    Re: awkward sentences?

    Quote Originally Posted by Offroad View Post
    Dear teachers

    Does this construction read well?

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love which in fact I don't really believe is true.

    Thanks

    ***** NOT A TEACHER *****

    (1) I think that you might want to consider using two sentences:

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love. I don't really

    believe him. (The second sentence seems to have an emphasis that it would

    not have if it were attached to the first sentence.)

    (2) If you want to keep one sentence, how about something like:

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love, which I don't

    really believe, (You need the comma after "love" because the following

    "which" = the fact that he quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to

    love.)

    (3) And if you want to keep "in fact," putting it in a felicitous position could be a

    problem. Let's try:

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love. In fact, I don't really believe him.

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love, which -- in fact -- I don't really believe./ Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love, which I don't really believe, in fact.

    You might consider forgetting both "really" and "in fact":

    Frank quickly said he desperately wanted somebody to love, which I don't
    actually believe.

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