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  1. rainous's Avatar
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    #1

    We are not the creatures

    Can anyone help me check to see if there are any grammatical errors or awkward sounding phrases or expressions in this sentence which I wrote myself.
    I would appreciate any help I can get.

    "We are not the creatures that conform to the way of animal kingdom reacting only to the prey clearly visible in front of our eyes, but rather ones that react to the invisible dream in which we can stretch the imagination to its very end by picturing it in our heads."

    Thank you.
    Last edited by rainous; 26-Aug-2011 at 07:54.

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    #2

    Re: We are not the creatures

    Quote Originally Posted by rainous View Post
    Can anyone help me check to see if there are any grammatical errors or awkward sounding phrases or expressions in this sentence which I wrote myself.
    I would appreciate any help I can get.

    "We are not the creatures that conform to the way of the animal kingdom that reacts reacting only to the its prey clearly visible in front of our their eyes. but Rather, ones that we react to the invisible dream in which we can stretch theour imagination to its very end limit by picturing it in our heads."

    Thank you.
    Nice thoughts. A few suggestions.

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    #3

    Re: We are not the creatures

    "We are not the creatures that conform to the way of the animal kingdom that reacts reacting only to the its prey clearly visible in front of their eyes. but Rather, we react to the invisible dream in which we can stretch our imagination to its very limit by picturing it in our heads."
    I have a question:

    Why are both the singular(blue) and plural (red) used with 'animal kingdom' in the sentence?

  2. rainous's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: We are not the creatures

    "We are not creatures that........,but rather ones that react...."


    I really want to keep this structure as it is, if possible.

    Is it ok, or must it be changed?
    Last edited by rainous; 27-Aug-2011 at 08:32.

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    #5

    Re: We are not the creatures

    Quote Originally Posted by rainous View Post
    "We are not creatures that........,but rather ones that react...."


    I really want to keep this structure as it is, if possible.

    Is it ok, or must it be changed?

    It is not wrong but awkward. The sentence becomes too long.

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