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    #1

    When ... the moment

    The following sentence sounds odd to me, but I'm not sure how to improve it without making it more wordy:

    "When their faces lit up the moment I told them about my plans, I knew I had made the right decision."

    The "when ... the moment" construction is awkward, if not wrong. I guess the only alternative is, "When their faces lit up upon my telling them about my plans, I knew I had made the right decision."

    Any other ideas?

    Thanks!

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: When ... the moment

    Quote Originally Posted by Allen165 View Post
    The following sentence sounds odd to me, but I'm not sure how to improve it without making it more wordy:

    "When their faces lit up the moment I told them about my plans, I knew I had made the right decision."

    The "when ... the moment" construction is awkward, if not wrong. I guess the only alternative is, "When their faces lit up upon my telling them about my plans, I knew I had made the right decision."

    Any other ideas?

    Thanks!
    You could try this: "Their faces lit up the moment I told them about my plans, and I knew I had made the right decision".

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