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    #1

    Post a short messae

    Could you proof read the following message for me? Thank you very much

    I issued a borrower card for "X". An email had been sent to "X" that her card was ready to pick up at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand in it to her.

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    #2

    Re: a short messae

    Quote Originally Posted by jkl View Post
    Could you proof read the following message for me? Thank you very much

    I issued a borrower card for "X". An email had been sent to "X" that her card was ready to pick up at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand (OR "give") in it to her.
    OK, delete "in".

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    #3

    Re: a short messae

    Your message needs some more work. The original reads as if the e-mail was sent before the card was issued, which doesn't make sense.

    I issued a borrower card for "X". An email has been sent to "X" telling her that her card is ready for pickup at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand in it to her. (she can't very well sign the back of the card before you hand it to her...)
    Last edited by J&K Tutoring; 31-Aug-2011 at 01:20. Reason: added further explanation on time sequence

    • Member Info
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    #4

    Post Re: a short messae

    Quote Originally Posted by J&K Tutoring View Post
    Your message needs some more work. The original reads as if the e-mail was sent before the card was issued, which doesn't make sense.

    I issued a borrower card for "X". An email has been sent to "X" telling her that her card is ready for pickup at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand in it to her. (she can't very well sign the back of the card before you hand it to her...)

    Thank you very much for the corrections. In the last sentence I said "befor you hand it to her" to make sure that staff remember to ask her to sign the card in front of the staff before she leaves with the card. I did not make it clear enough before. This kind of writing problem I have and don't know how to improve it.

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    #5

    Re: a short messae

    jkl-
    Not to worry! I knew what you meant and, more importantly, I'm sure the staff member would also have known what you meant. Still, it's worth getting it right- especially on a discussion board like this one where you and other students are trying to learn rules and ways of thinking in English.

    "This kind of writing problem I have and don't know how to improve it." Seems you do know how to improve it- by practicing and asking questions!

    I always tell my students: The only stupid question is the one we don't ask.

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