Help me to correct my essay

[himsbat]

What you think about an EDP (Expert Development Program)? And why do you think you are uniquely qualified and reasons you should be selected for this program ? and what do you look forward in this program?


EDP

EDP will produce experts in many different fields who will help to enhance the quality of the company’s business. There are many candidates who compete for joining to the EDP. In my view, I should be one of these winners because I have a lot of knowledge, skills and personal merits that make me one of strong candidates.

In 2005, I have graduated with BSc of Computer and Information System from King Saud University. Since 2007, I have been working on the Areva System as an administrator. I had developed and maintained many applications and systems like EMS system, HIS system and OAG System. So, I have obtained a lot of experience and knowledge. Therefore, I have learned a lot of tools and programming languages such as C, JAVA, ASP.net, Oracle and Microsoft SQL.

I have many personal characteristics and skills such as self- confidence, ambition, intelligence and patience. Therefore, as the English language is a global in all over the world, I have been developing myself to increase my skill by reading a lot of stories and magazines.

In the future, I look forward to increasing my knowledge and experience that would reflect on the company’s business.

 

[himsbat]

please help me

 

[himsbat]

please help me

 

[lavender143]

What you think about an EDP (Expert Development Program)? And why do you think you are uniquely qualified and reasons you should be selected for this program ? and what do you look forward in this program?


EDP

EDP will produce experts in many different fields who will help to enhance the quality of the company’s business. There are many candidates who compete for joining to the EDP. In my view, I should be one of these winners because I have a lot of knowledge, skills and personal merits that make me one of strong candidates.

In 2005, I graduated with BSc of Computer and Information System from King Saud University. Since 2007, I have been working on the Areva System as an administrator. I had developed and maintained many applications and systems like EMS system, HIS system and OAG System. I have obtained a lot of experience and knowledge. Therefore, I have learned a lot of skills and programming languages such as C, JAVA, ASP.net, Oracle and Microsoft SQL.

I have many personal characteristics and skills such as self- confidence, ambition, intelligence and patience. Therefore, as the English language is a global in all over the world, I have been developing myself to increase my skill by reading a lot of stories and magazines.(I think your sentence is unreasonable. You can write: Because of reading a lot of stories and magazines, I could increase more skills)

In the future, I hope i will increase my knowledge and experience that would reflect on the company’s business.

( Your writing use a lot of "increase, so, therefore", you can replace by " However, On the other hand,... etc" to get bored)

 

[5jj]

( Your writing use a lot of "increase, so, therefore", you can replace by " However, On the other hand,... etc" to get bored)

@Lavender, your efforts to help are appreciated, but your corrections themselves need correcting. It might be better if you did not attempt this tpe of work yet.

@ My suggestions:

What you think about an EDP (Expert Development Program)? And why do you think you are uniquely qualified and reasons you should be selected for this program ? and what do you look forward in this program?


EDP

EDP will produce experts in many different fields who will help to enhance the quality of the company’s business. There are many candidates [STRIKE]who[/STRIKE] compet[STRIKE]e[/STRIKE]ing [STRIKE]for joining[/STRIKE] to join to the EDP. [STRIKE]In my view,[/STRIKE] I feel that I should be one of these winners, because I have a lot of knowledge, skills and personal merits that make me one of the strong candidates (or: ,make me a strong candidate,).

In 2005, I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] graduated with BSc [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] in Computer and Information Systems from King Saud University. Since 2007, I have been working on the Areva System as an administrator. I h[STRIKE]ad[/STRIKE]ve developed and maintained many applications and systems, such as [STRIKE]like[/STRIKE] EMS [STRIKE]system[/STRIKE], HIS [STRIKE]system[/STRIKE] and OAG [STRIKE]System[/STRIKE].[STRIKE] So,[/STRIKE] I therefore have obtained a lot of experience and knowledge. [STRIKE]Therefore,[/STRIKE] I also have learned a lot of tools and programming languages such as C, JAVA, ASP.net, Oracle and Microsoft SQL.

[STRIKE]I have many[/STRIKE] My personal characteristics and skills [STRIKE]such as[/STRIKE] include: self- confidence, ambition, intelligence and patience. [STRIKE]Therefore[/STRIKE] In addition, , as the English language is[STRIKE] a global in all over the world[/STRIKE]now a global language, I have been [STRIKE]developing myself to[/STRIKE] i[STRIKE]ncrease[/STRIKE] improving my skill by reading a lot of stories and magazines.

In the future, I look forward to increasing my knowledge and experience in a way that would reflect well on the company’s business.