question a bout mentioning sex

[alfabenfi]

Hi, can you help me, I am contacting with a professor in internet and he always adress me as "Mr" while I am female, I just want to mention him that I'm female by a formal phrase and in a polite way...
which phrase i can use?

 

[5jj]

One simple way is to sign your name 'XXXX XXXXX (Ms)'

 

[JohnParis]

If you don't want to give your name, you can just say "Professor, before we go further, I'm a female." Believe me, he will not be offended.

John

 

[konungursvia]

Hang on. Is the professor living in Iran? He may simply be doing something to be tactful, in that his wife, or colleagues, expect him to refrain from exchanging private messages with a young, single female. If that is the case, he may be using "Mr" to allow himself to be blameless in entertaining your correspondence.

It reminds me of a French definition of the difference between mere politeness, and tact, which is far better:

A theatre writer opens the door to a dressing room and sees an actress in a state of undress. He quickly closes the door, saying, "I'm sorry, mademoiselle."

This is merely polite. If he had been tactful, he would have said: "Excuse me, monsieur."

 

[5jj]

If konungursvia is right, alfabenfi, and this seems possible to me, and if you want to continue the correspondence, then it would appear to be better to maintain the fiction that you are Mr XXXX.

Of course, you may consider that to be dishonest/immoral. We can't help you with that question.

 

[Ouisch]

Hang on. Is the professor living in Iran? He may simply be doing something to be tactful, in that his wife, or colleagues, expect him to refrain from exchanging private messages with a young, single female. If that is the case, he may be using "Mr" to allow himself to be blameless in entertaining your correspondence.

I would think that in 2011 it is common knowledge that both male and female students have reason to correspond with their college professors, and that male professors are able to exchange email messages with single females without fear of any suspicion of inappropriate behavior. Indeed, even in Saudi Arabia, which is far more restrictive in its mores/laws/conventions regarding women, a 2006 study by the University of Jordan deemed acceptable for female students to correspond with male professors, as long as they phrased their text appropriately using the standard respectful/polite wording that is expected in face-to-face communication.

That said, I think that alfabeni should subtly indicate her gender by signing her next email to the professor "First Name Last Name (Miss)" (or Ms. or Mrs., whichever is appropriate). I feel certain that the professor's error is one of innocent ignorance, probably because alfabeni's gender is not immediately apparent from her given name. I have had to do the same with my own signature countless times over the years both in academic and business correspondence, because apparently my first name doesn't automatically indicate "I'm a girl!!" :-D

 

[emsr2d2]

I agree that the best way to do it is to sign your next email:

Yours

Ms [Your name]

That way, you don't have to find a phrase to say "I'm female", he will have learnt something and you both know where you stand. If konungvursia is right and he's not meant to correspond with a female, then you won't get any more replies and you'll be able to guess what happened. If he's a professor with students of both genders though, I can't imagine you're the only female student he corresponds with.

 

[alfabenfi]

Thanks every body!
My professor is from switzerland (German spoken), He is SO formal and seems to me very nonflexible, since my name(it's persian) is not familiar for him, the sex is not easy to guess ...my cover letter has been in French which is clear that I am female(since in French, female adjectives are used differently) and my CV.. but it seems he does n''t pay attention the signs even though we have written a lot of letters...I also once wanted to sign as Miss XXXX but I thought he may think I'm noticing him that he should respect me. and now I want to make an oppintment, I don't like make him surprised.
but signing as XXXX(Ms) seems a good idea!
thanks

 

[alfabenfi]

Hang on. Is the professor living in Iran? He may simply be doing something to be tactful, in that his wife, or colleagues, expect him to refrain from exchanging private messages with a young, single female. If that is the case, he may be using "Mr" to allow himself to be blameless in entertaining your correspondence.

It reminds me of a French definition of the difference between mere politeness, and tact, which is far better:

A theatre writer opens the door to a dressing room and sees an actress in a state of undress. He quickly closes the door, saying, "I'm sorry, mademoiselle."

This is merely polite. If he had been tactful, he would have said: "Excuse me, monsieur."

:lol:
actually as Iranian who knows Iranian culture very well, I don't think it is true... our contact is a formal academic application, it is not private. and in Iran the tactful behavior is simply addressing as "Miss surname", and no wife would object it!

 

[konungursvia]

Oh, well that is good. But I know that when a man knocks on the door of a house, he has to look down in case it is a woman or girl who answers.

 

[konungursvia]

I would think that in 2011 it is common knowledge that both male and female students have reason to correspond with their college professors, and that male professors are able to exchange email messages with single females without fear of any suspicion of inappropriate behavior. Indeed, even in Saudi Arabia, which is far more restrictive in its mores/laws/conventions regarding women, a 2006 study by the University of Jordan deemed acceptable for female students to correspond with male professors, as long as they phrased their text appropriately using the standard respectful/polite wording that is expected in face-to-face communication.

That said, I think that alfabeni should subtly indicate her gender by signing her next email to the professor "First Name Last Name (Miss)" (or Ms. or Mrs., whichever is appropriate). I feel certain that the professor's error is one of innocent ignorance, probably because alfabeni's gender is not immediately apparent from her given name. I have had to do the same with my own signature countless times over the years both in academic and business correspondence, because apparently my first name doesn't automatically indicate "I'm a girl!!" :-D

One would hope so, but there are more Westerners who think their culture's values apply everywhere than you can shake a stick at.

 

[JohnParis]

Thanks every body!
My professor is from switzerland (German spoken), He is SO formal and seems to me very nonflexible, since my name(it's persian) is not familiar for him, the sex is not easy to guess ...my cover letter has been in French which is clear that I am female(since in French, female adjectives are used differently) and my CV.. but it seems he does n''t pay attention the signs even though we have written a lot of letters...I also once wanted to sign as Miss XXXX but I thought he may think I'm noticing him that he should respect me. and now I want to make an oppintment, I don't like make him surprised.
but signing as XXXX(Ms) seems a good idea!
thanks

I live in France and have several German speaking Swiss colleagues. I am not at all surprised that your professor does not make the connection between the masculine and feminine as you use it in your communications. Although French is one of the three languages spoken in Switzerland, it is not unusual to find people who have absolutely no knowledge of it.
Now - you are going to meet him in person. Why bother to tell him formally that you are female beforehand? The subject will be moot the moment he opens his office door. Do not be intimidated. Just be yourself, and carry on exactly as you have up to now. Do you think he is going to yell out "You're a Girl" or something like that? You'll see - everything will go easily. No need to stress.

Bonne chance et t'inquietes pas!
John

 

[JohnParis]

Oh, well that is good. But I know that when a man knocks on the door of a house, he has to look down in case it is a woman or girl who answers.

Perhaps there is something I am not understanding, but would you mind explaining what this statement means?

Am I the only one that thinks that a mountain is being made of a molehill?

John

 

[5jj]

Am I the only one that thinks that a mountain is being made of a molehill?

No. :up:

I assumed at the beginning that the professor was moslem. Some people of that faith do have certain restrictions about how men and women may meet and address each other - though even then my suggestion in post #2 was not inappropriate. If he is German, then posts #2 and #3 were fine to finish the matter.

Post #4 raised legitimate concerns, which were soon allayed.

 

[alfabenfi]

Oh, well that is good. But I know that when a man knocks on the door of a house, he has to look down in case it is a woman or girl who answers.

you are right, our culture is more tactful, but it is about calling by the first name... it is not permitted to call anyone by the fisrt name without "Miss" or "Mrs"... just in very close FAMILY relationships.

 

[JohnParis]

Thank you Miss Alfabenfi,
I had no idea that it was the custom to bow ones head when knocking on a door. I understand now, and thank you for that potentially very useful information. It is knowledge like this that promotes respect and better understanding between cultures.
Thanks again,
John

 

[alfabenfi]

Thank you Miss Alfabenfi,
I had no idea that it was the custom to bow ones head when knocking on a door. I understand now, and thank you for that potentially very useful information. It is knowledge like this that promotes respect and better understanding between cultures.
Thanks again,
John

thanks for encoraging!
(Just alfabenfi is OK)... about knocking the door and looking down, actually it is about the rare traditional people, not in big cities...but it is good not risk because you may be accused as rude person!
thank you again
All the best