mobile phone please correct

[prettyprincess]

Advantages and Disadvantages of mobile phones. i need more ideas

There are many advantages and disadvantage to mobile phones; in this essay I have tried to include most of them. This essay will try to help you decide on whether to buy a mobile phone for your 10 year old.

Mobile phones have become popular to everybody since it is very convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to family and friends no matter what where you are. Your child’s mobile phone will provide as a useful resource when trying to communicate with someone. It will be the fastest way to contact you with a text or call in an emergency (other than talking face to face with each other). You will be able to contact your daughter any time you want (as long as her phone is turned on) no matter where you are. Having a phone could be a way to let go of your protective self over your child and let her grow up.

Invasion of privacy, when using a phone, your child’s personal details like her phone number could be stolen without her knowing. She could have her photos, texts, videos etc. stolen of her phone. One way to prevent this is to put a password on her phone that is not easily recognized by many people for example monkey. Words like this are easy for a thief to guess and hack into your phone. Numbers are quite hard for thieves to remember when they are watching you type in your password in.

Crime, in the UK there are lots of crime especially stealing or cyber bullying. Here is a graph of victims and suspects. At a young age there aren’t many victims but it is still a huge problem especially when you have the latest phones, thieves tend to try to steal the latest phone so they can sell it for big money. Ways to keep your phone safe is to keep it in a pocket not visible when around in public. Not to text or call in public place unless in an emergency


This is my essay so far is it good please correct i need more ideas!!!

 

[Gretchenplay]

Hello prettyprincess,
I have made some alterations to your essay that you may want to consider.
I also suggest that you think of a way of linking your paragraphs. Instead of writing Invasion of privacy... to introduce your first paragraph, and Crime... to introduce the second, why not use something like 'On one hand, cellphones have many advantages. For example...' and 'On the other hand, cellphones have many disadvantages. Like...'.

As for other ideas for the essay itself, what about texting in school (that annoys the teachers), and text language (tht wld b gr8!) - I'm sure this also annoys the teachers and worries the parents that maybe their child will forget how to write correctly.

Good luck.


There are many advantages and disadvantage to mobile phones. In this essay I have tried to include most of them [STRIKE]This essay will try[/STRIKE]in order to help you decide [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] whether or not to buy a mobile phone for your 10 year old.

Mobile phones have become popular among many people[STRIKE]to everybody since it is[/STRIKE]as they are very convenient. The [STRIKE]most[/STRIKE]biggest advantage of having a mobile phone is that you can communicate [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE]with family and friends no matter [STRIKE]what[/STRIKE] where you are. Your child’s mobile phone will [STRIKE]provide as[/STRIKE]be a useful [STRIKE]resource[/STRIKE]tool when they [STRIKE]trying[/STRIKE]want to communicate with someone. It will be the fastest way to contact you with a text or call in an emergency (other than talking face to face with each other), and you will be able to contact your daughter any time you want (as long as her phone is turned on) no matter where you are. Having a phone could be a way to let go of your protective self, [STRIKE]over your[/STRIKE] and to let your child [STRIKE]and let her[/STRIKE] grow up with more independence.

[STRIKE]Invasion of privacy,[/STRIKE] When using a phone, your child’s personal details, like her phone number, could be stolen without her knowing. She could have her photos, texts, videos etc. stolen off her phone. One way to prevent this is to put a password on her phone that is not easily recognized by many people. [STRIKE]for example monkey. Words like this are[/STRIKE] A password like monkey, for example, is easy for a thief to guess and use to hack into your child's phone. Numbers are quite hard for thieves to remember when they are watching you type [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] your password in.

[STRIKE]Crime, [/STRIKE]In the UK there [STRIKE]are lots[/STRIKE]is a lot of crime, especially stealing [STRIKE]or[/STRIKE]and cyber bullying. Here is a graph of victims and suspects. At a young age there are not many victims, but it is still a huge problem especially [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE]if you have the latest phone[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] model. Thieves [STRIKE]tend to[/STRIKE] try to steal the latest [STRIKE]phone [/STRIKE]models so they can sell [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE]them for big money. Ways to keep your phone safe [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE]are to keep it in a pocket, not visible, when [STRIKE]around[/STRIKE] in public, and to only [STRIKE]not to text or call[/STRIKE]use your phone in public places [STRIKE]unless[/STRIKE] in an emergency.