[Essay] Question in writing: Generalization.

[symaa]

Hello,


My question is about generalization in a paragraph or in an essay.


For example:

The bus is one of the most crowded places where you cannot even find a place to put your foot and sniff a fresh air.


Challenge is what makes you alive and ablaze with the excitement and the determination to fulfill your plans regardless of the constraints of life.
It is when you put your targets in front of you, when you are engrossed and obsessed with your beliefs.




My teacher underlined all the words which are in red, but I think that when we talk in general or about some topics, we cannot avoid generalization. So, if I write in that way, will my paragraph or essay be wrong?:-?




Would you please tell me what you think?



Regards,

 

[5jj]

The bus is one of the most crowded places where you cannot even find a place to put your foot and sniff [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] fresh air.

Challenge is what makes you alive and ablaze with the excitement and the determination to fulfill your plans regardless of the constraints of life.
It is when you put your targets in front of you, when you are engrossed in and obsessed with your beliefs.

Your version (with my two amendments) is fine in speech and all but more formal writing. Your teacher perhaps expects you to write "people ... their... them.., .etc", or even "one ... one's ..., etc".

 

[symaa]

Thank you teacher for your answer and for the correction.

Yes, she told me that I should use ''one'' or ''person''..., but for instant when we use ''one'' or ''people''....we'll be obliged to use her/his instead of you which may spoil my writing:roll: .


Challenge is what makes the person alive and ablaze with the excitement and the determination to fulfill his/her plans regardless of the constraints of life.
It is when he/she puts his/her targets in front of him/her, when he/she is engrossed in and obsessed with his/her beliefs.


Thank you.

Best wishes,

 

[bhaisahab]

Thank you teacher for your answer and for the correction.

Yes, she told me that I should use ''one'' or ''person''..., but for instant when we use ''one'' or ''people''....we'll be obliged to use her/his instead of you which may spoil my writing:roll: .


Challenge is what makes the person alive and ablaze with the excitement and the determination to fulfill his/her plans regardless of the constraints of life.
It is when he/she puts his/her targets in front of him/her, when he/she is engrossed in and obsessed with his/her beliefs.


Thank you.

Best wishes,

"One" works OK.

 

[symaa]

Thank you teacher.

So, even If I use one, I should repeat his/her all the time:-|
Regards,

 

[5jj]

So, even If I use one, I should repeat his/her all the time.

In British English we use one, one's, oneself.

The bus is one of the most crowded places where one cannot even find a place to put one's foot and sniff [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] fresh air.

Challenge is what makes one alive and ablaze with the excitement and the determination to fulfill one's plans regardless of the constraints of life.
It is when one puts one's targets in front of one, when one [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] is engrossed and obsessed with one's beliefs.

 

[Barb_D]

Plural works too.

Challenge is what makes people alive and ablaze with the excitement and the determination to fulfill their plans regardless of the constraints of life.
It is when people put their targets in front of them, when they are engrossed and obsessed with their beliefs.

The same teacher who objects to "you" would probably object to the very commonly accepted use of the "their" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun.

 

[symaa]

Thank you so much to all of you for your answers, I highly appreciate them.:up:
Really, it's very kind of you to share your valuable knowledge.

So,the use of one, one's, oneself, people is more formal.

All the best,

 

[Raymott]

Thank you so much to all of you for your answers, I highly appreciate them.:up:
Really, it's very kind of you to share your valuable knowledge.

So,the use of one, one's, oneself, people is more formal.

All the best,

The use of "one" is usually quite formal. Most of us would not use it in speech. Most of us would not even use it here on the forum, though I have on rare occasions. One has to be sparing in one's use of it.

"People" is not formal at all. "People shouldn't do things like that."; "People should think more before they act." - It's normal.

 

[Barb_D]

You (and I mean "you" not "people in general") also need to consider the audience and the purpose of the piece. For example, if this is a scholarly essay, then de-personalizing it is a good thing. However, if it's a piece that's supposed to encourage your audience to "embrace challenges" and "rise to the occassion" then you can even consider changing the pronoun to "we" to be inclusive. It sends the message "You and I - we both feel this way."

Just like words without context mean nothing, sentences without a purpose are lifeless. So consider the goal and the audience before deciding that "you" is bad, "one" is good, etc.

 

[symaa]

:up:Thanks to all of you for your help.

........, if it's a piece that's supposed to encourage your audience to "embrace challenges" and "rise to the occassion" then you can even consider changing the pronoun to "we" to be inclusive. It sends the message "You and I - we both feel this way."

Just like words without context mean nothing, sentences without a purpose are lifeless. So consider the goal and the audience before deciding that "you" is bad, "one" is good, etc.

Thank you so much.
Yes surely, I had used the pronoun ''you'' because I felt that it is more appropriate. Almost everyone faces has many challenges that he/she should know how to deal with them in order to succeed in his/her life.


All the best for you,

 

[birdeen's call]

I'm wondering what changing "you" to "one" or any other of the possible substitutes has to do with avoiding generalization. They all mean the same thing after all, and avoiding generalization implies changing the meaning.

 

[symaa]

I'm wondering what changing "you" to "one" or any other of the possible substitutes has to do with avoiding generalization. They all mean the same thing after all, and avoiding generalization implies changing the meaning.Yes, I think so

I think that my teacher does not like the use of ''you'' because she might feel that the writer of the essay or of the paragraph..... is addressing to the reader who might not have the same point of view.

 

[SoothingDave]

I'm wondering what changing "you" to "one" or any other of the possible substitutes has to do with avoiding generalization. They all mean the same thing after all, and avoiding generalization implies changing the meaning.

Way back when, when I was in school, I was taught that "you" should be avoided in formal writing. You do not want the reader to think you are addressing him or her personally.

As Barb said, there are situations where you should follow this "rule" and others where a more direct style is warranted.

 

[Barb_D]

I think that my teacher does not like the use of ''you'' because she might feel that the writer of the essay or of the paragraph..... is addressing to the reader who might not have the same point of view.

If you are writing a persuasive piece, "you" is entirely appropriate. They may not share you point of view in the beginning, but if you're persuasive, they will at the end. That's the point.

 

[symaa]

If you are writing a persuasive piece, "you" is entirely appropriate. They may not share you point of view in the beginning, but if you're persuasive, they will at the end. That's the point.

Actually, she didn't give us any assignment, but I just like to write from time to time to improve my writing skills that's why I wrote about ''challenge'' and I gave her my paragraph so as to correct it.

Thank you.