I decided to do something with my unclear english writing. I bought "Writing Academic English" 4th Edition by Pearson Longman and I have finished 1st chapter on organizing a paragraph. I don't have anybody to review it for me, so I would be very grateful if you could take a look. I think, that the book I have bought is really good and with your help it will teach me to write better. Two paragraphs, 130 and 196 words. Sorry for the formatting here, but it's forum's default.
Word processors are nowadays the most widespread computer tool. Computers are today in use in every private and business area in order to handle information. On the computer every kind of information has to be literally written (typed-in). To this end, the computer always comes with at least one word processor in-built. For instance, Microsoft Windows Operating System provides freeware “Notepad”, as well as Linux OS does. As a matter of fact, the most basic OS BIOS (Basic Input-Output System) is not much more than a compiler word processor that enables user communication with a machine. In other words, using modern computers is an activity inseparable from using word processors. Thus, alongside the robust growth in computer applicability, word processors became the most widespread software in the world.
In the progress of few past decades we humans have become dependent on machines to the obvious degree. Great significance of machines stems from their usefulness in communications, transportation and educational sectors, so to list only the three most popular ones. For example, machines indispensible to the communications sector are TV set, radio and phone. In respect to the transportation sector these are terrestrial, aerial and nautical machines – trains, cars, airplanes, ships etc. Next, machines are omnipresent in educational sector too - photocopiers, printers, projectors, audio players etc. On top of this, there exists one very equivocal term for all sectors – a computer. Its ambiguousness comes from the unlimited possibilities of customization. The computer would be comprehensively programmed (adjusted) adequately to the purpose it is planned to serve. Humans created through the use of computers internally regulated and vastly self-administered systems of airports, naval ports, terrestrial traffic, GSM networks (mobile connectivity), TV broadcasting, Internet, university management and much more. In other words, today’s world could not be functioning without machines. In brief, machines are present and creative contributor to every possible area of living hence to the service of men.
The dependence of humans on machines
To make the review guided for those which prefer to do so, I am attaching below some auxiliary questions. I think that answering them is a great way to learn not only for the writer, but also for the reader. I will reciprocate willingly in the same way! (of course you can answer as many questions as you want; 1 or 10 - every little helps:):
1. Is the paragraph interesting?
Write a comment about a part that is especially interesting to you.
2. Do you understand everything?
Copy any part that you do not understand, and write a comment about it.
3. Copy the topic sentence here, and mark the topic and the controlling area in a distinguishable manner.
4. How many supporting sentences are there in the paragraph?
a. What kind of supporting details does the writer use (facts, examples, quotations, statistics, etc.)?
Is there at least one example?
b. Would you like more information about anything?
If yes, write down what would you like to know more about.
5. Us there anything unnecessary or seems off the topic?
If yes, write a comment about it (them)
6. Uf the paragraph has a concluding sentence, copy it here and mark the end-of-paragraph signal (if there is one).
7. In your opinion, what is the best feature of this paragraph? In other words, what is this writer's biggest writing skill?