To whom it may concern,

I'm applying for this scholarships that is due next week. To apply I need to send a one minute video of myself why I deserve to win this prize. So this is what I have so far but I have such a hard time cutting my words into smaller pieces, I have been paraphrasing many times but I don't know how else to make it smaller. Please help me with the grammar and making it my speech not too long.

Dr. _________

My name is Joan Bonzo. My family and I immigrated to America from the Philippines when I was 9 years old.Going to school in America was very challenging for me because I had to learn a new language and adapt to the American culture. That is why I have been working hard in order to become successful in life. With all my hard work look where it took me..(shows my grade) I have been holding a 3.8 grade point average, made it to the honor’s dean list, and one of the top ranking students in my class. Besides academic role I’m also making an impact in my community by volunteering at Bristol Hospice which is a program designed to promote emotional care for terminally ill individuals who only have a few months left to live. My goal is to become the first generation in my family to graduate in college with a degree of Bachelor of Science in nursing. I then want to use this degree go to Medical school to become a Neurological Doctor. This is because I want to help out patients like (show a picture) my grandpa who have passed away from stroke and my (show a picture- my patient at bristol hospice) old pal who is suffering from Dementia.

Joan Bonzo