As you can see I have made many corrections, mostly because you kept changing the tense (please note the corrections in red)! Don't forget to be consistent.
Nice story by the way.
There was a girl named Shiny who was seven year old. Shiny never liked that she always
hashad to follow her mama’s rules. She used to thinkwonder why she can’tcouldn't do certain things which Mama and Papa cancould do. Why mama hashad to decide everything like what to eat, when to sleep, when to play, what to buy and almost everything. It’sIt had always been a fight between mom (why not continue using Mama?) and Shiny.
One day Mom (I think you should be consistent. Is it Mom or Mama?) asked Shiny to clean her room as
Mama hasshe had invited Shiny’s friends for a play date the next day. Shiny was excited, but she announced that this time she willwouldclean her room in her own way. She willwould rearrange her room. Mama tried to explain that she cancould rearrange her room at some other time, but Shiny was not ready to follow her mama’s instructions this time. Mama allowed Shiny to rearrange and clean her room by herself. Shiny was toovery excited about to takehaving this responsibility all byto herself. She shut the roomdoor and made a plan to rearrange her room. She hashad learned from her Mama that she needed to organize her room in such a way that things could be accessibleaccessed easily.
ofthe ceiling would be a nice place to hang everything so that, whenever she needed anything, she cancould just look up for anythingand she willwould know where it iswas. She also got anhad the idea toof hanging everything onfrom the ceiling using acello tapes. She somehow thoughtdecided to discuss itwith mama before implementing her ideas. Shiny called her Mama into her room for help. Mama liked her plan, but adviceadvised her to hang just a few things up first to see it thatif her plan would work for her, and, if her idea worksit did, she cancould probably hang everything to the ceiling. Shiny had sparks in her eyes. She started hanging all the puzzle pieces first. It took several hours for her to hang them all the puzzle piecesto the ceiling. She got tired and she got pain inher hand and in herneck began to hurt as she had never had her hand and neck up for so long.
Shiny was very excited to have her friends over the next day. All
the friendsof them were amazed to see all the puzzle pieces stuck to the ceiling. Suddenly one of the pieces fell down on one of theher friend’s heads. Shiny was scared thinking thatand thought 'what if it would beone of the heavy pieces of somethinghad fallen on my friend's head?'. The puzzle pieces kept falling on one or the othersher friends' heads. The room was full of laughter. At some point Shiny invited her friends to play with the puzzles, but it seems to bewas a very tedious job tofinding the puzzlepieces on the ceiling. Shiny made a plan in her mindhad an idea, and told her friends that today she hashad a different way of playing puzzles. She announced that what wethey all needed to do iswas to first chose any puzzle individually and then find all the pieces of that puzzle. Whoever willgets all the pieces first will be the winner. All the friendsEveryone started searching for the pieces of their puzzles they choose. Since everyone was looking at the ceiling all the time, there were tummy to tummy and back to back collisions. The room was again full of laughter. All of them kept searching the offor their puzzle pieces. All of them worked for several hours, but none of them gotno one found them all, and it was asoon time for everyone to leave everyone.
Mama was very happy as the play date was a great success.
asNo one fightshad fought forover anything, and every one had laughed [STRIKE]so much[/STRIKE] a lot. Mama learned that she should allow her daughter some freedom to atsometimes. Mama asked Shiny if she wanted to continue her idea of hanging everything to the ceiling, but Shiny was so tired, withand her neck and hand were so sore, that she just hugged her Mama and sleepsfell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, she was in a good moodhappy to follow her Mama’s rules, at least for the day.
Student or Learner