[Essay] a short essay needs editing

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roseji3991

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It is an essay about what I have done in the class sanitation committee. I need to submit the essay as soon as possible. But now I can find no one help me edit it. So please help.Thank you!:)

When I was first made the head of my class sanitation committee, the sanitation situation was very poor. This would definitely exert detrimental influence upon my classmates’ study efficiency, of which, however, many of them were still unaware. I resolved to make a change. So for two whole weeks I talked to many classmates about the sanitation and collected their opinions and advice. Then I worked with other members in the committee to devise(or invent ?) an award system. And in the next several class meetings I stated the importance of a clean classroom again and again to the whole class. After that, my classmates began to pay more attention to the classroom sanitation, and through our concerted effort, at the end of the semester, our class became the top class in the campus sanitation evaluation! Later I received many thank-you notes from my classmates, which really moved me, for I thought I was just fufiling my duty. With their recognition and surport, I become more motivated to dedicate myself to others’ well-being now.
 

roseji3991

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urgent:request for help in editing my short essay

It is an essay about what I have done in the class sanitation committee. I need to submit the essay as soon as possible. But now I can find no one help me edit it. So please help.Thank you!:)

When I was first made the head of my class sanitation committee, the sanitation situation was very poor. This would definitely exert detrimental influence upon my classmates’ study efficiency, of which, however, many of them were still unaware. I resolved to make a change. So for two whole weeks I talked to many classmates about the sanitation and collected their opinions and advice. Then I worked with other members in the committee to devise(or invent ?) an award system. And in the next several class meetings I stated the importance of a clean classroom again and again to the whole class. After that, my classmates began to pay more attention to the classroom sanitation, and through our concerted effort, at the end of the semester, our class became the top class in the campus sanitation evaluation! Later I received many thank-you notes from my classmates, which really moved me, for I thought I was just fufiling my duty. With their recognition and surport, I become more motivated to dedicate myself to others’ well-being now.
 

Raymott

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Re: urgent:request for help in editing my short essay

It is an essay about what I have done in the class sanitation committee. I need to submit the essay as soon as possible. But now I can find no one help me edit it. So please help.Thank you!:)
Then do so. Submit it, and let your teacher mark it. That is what most students who have to write essays for class do.
 

Raymott

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It is an essay about what I have done in the class sanitation committee. I need to submit the essay as soon as possible. But now I can find no one help me edit it. So please help.Thank you!:)
See my response in your duplicate thread.
 

tedtmc

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not a teacher

It is an essay about what I have done in the class sanitation committee. I need to submit the essay as soon as possible. But now I can find no one help me edit it. So please help.Thank you!:)

When I was first made(appointed) the head of my class sanitation committee, the sanitation situation was very poor. This would definitely have a [STRIKE]exert[/STRIKE] detrimental [STRIKE]influence upon[/STRIKE] effect on my classmates’ study efficiency, [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] which, [STRIKE]however,[/STRIKE] many of them were still unaware. I resolved to make a change. So for two whole weeks, I talked to many classmates about [STRIKE]the [/STRIKE]sanitation and [STRIKE]collected[/STRIKE] gathered their opinions and advice. Then I worked with other members in the committee to devise[STRIKE](or invent ?)[/STRIKE] an award system. [STRIKE]And[/STRIKE] In the [STRIKE]next [/STRIKE]several class meetings that followed, I [STRIKE]stated [/STRIKE] emphasized the importance of a clean classroom environment again and again to the whole class. [STRIKE]After that[/STRIKE] Thus, my classmates began to pay more attention to the classroom sanitation, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] Through our concerted effort, at the end of the semester, our class became the top class in the campus sanitation evaluation! Later, I received many thank-you notes from my classmates, which really moved me, for I thought I was just fufilling my duty. With their recognition and surport, I become more motivated to dedicate myself to improving others’ well-being [STRIKE]now[/STRIKE].
.

I am not sure whether 'sanitation' is the best word to use in the context of a classroom as I thought it is to with public health. 'Hygiene' or 'cleanliness' may be more appropriate.
 

5jj

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@tedtmc

It is forum policy not to assist with homework, which is why Raymott responded as he did. Please bear this in mind in future.
 

tedtmc

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It is forum policy not to assist with homework, which is why Raymott responded as he did. Please bear this in mind in future.

5jj
My post was done and submitted before I saw Raymott's post.

I agree that school work shouldn't be posted for editing here.
 
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