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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Shona
      • Home Country:
      • Zimbabwe
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Jan 2012
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    I am applying for a summer internship position with CG Power Systems in hopes to gain hands-on experience to complement my academic background. Currently, I am a fourth year student at the University of Toronto , pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. My focus area is Energy and Power Systems. I have a thorough understanding of systems and concepts used in the generation, transmission, delivery, utilization, storage and control of electric power and energy. This semester I am taking a course which deals with the constructional features, analysis, modeling, and applications of three phase transformers. Your company being a one of the world’s top ten manufacturers of three-phase transformers, working for it as a summer intern would provide me with an opportunity to work with the very best in the world and solidify my understanding of power systems.

    I am an engineering student who also happen to have english as his second language. I would need help to make this paragraph in my cover letter flow nicely and eloquently. What changes can l make ? Your help is greatly appreciated.

  2. Key Member
    Interested in Language
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      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2006
    • Posts: 2,130
    #2

    Re: How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    How cando l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I am applying wish to apply for a summer internship position with CG Power Systems in hopes to gain hands-on experience to complement my academic background.

    Currently, I am a fourth year student at the University of Toronto , pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. My focus area is Energy and Power Systems. I have a thorough understanding of the systems and concepts used in the generation, transmission, delivery, utilization, storage and control of electric power and energy. This semester, I am taking a course which deals with the constructional features, analysis, modeling(BrE modelling), and applications of three-phase transformers. Your company, being a one of the world’s top ten manufacturers of three-phase transformers, working for it as a summer intern would provide me with an the opportunity to work with the very best in the world and solidify. The experience gained would reinforce my understanding of power systems.


    I am an engineering student who also happen to have english as his and English is my second language. I would need help to make this paragraph in my cover letter flow nicely and eloquently. What changes can l make ? Your help is greatly appreciated.

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Shona
      • Home Country:
      • Zimbabwe
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Jan 2012
    • Posts: 3
    #3

    Re: How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    Thanks very much for the help. I wrote my last paragraph of the cover letter, is it alright :

    My academic qualifications meet the requirements for internship positions within your company. I am a very dedicated individual with strong problem solving skills, a passion to learn new things, and an unmatched tenacity and ability to complete challenging tasks. I believe that my experience, passion and drive for excellence will prove to be an asset to your company. Thank you very much for your consideration in this matter.

  4. Key Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2006
    • Posts: 2,130
    #4

    Re: How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    My academic qualifications meet the requirements for internship positions within your company. I am a very dedicated individual person with strong problem-solving skills, a passion to learn new things (no comma here) and an unmatched tenacity and ability to complete challenging tasks. I believe that my experience, passion and drive for excellence will prove to be an asset to your company. Thank you very much for your consideration in this matter.

    I wouldn't say I am 'unmatched' in anything.

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