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  1. AlexAD's Avatar
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    #1

    Please proofread a recommendation (a few lines)

    Hello.

    I am writing a recommendation for my fellow-colleague and a friend of mine.
    Could you please proofread this text?

    [Name] is as a responsible and accurate person caring much about business.
    He is a vital person with sharp mind and good sense of humor.
    He is a leader in both tech and human fields.

    If you need a senior java developer with strong technical and social skills, I would recommend [Name] [Surname] to you.


    I would be immensely grateful if you would improve this text to any degree.

    Thank you, in advance!

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please proofread a recommendation (a few lines)

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexAD View Post
    Hello.

    I am writing a recommendation for my fellow-colleague and a friend of mine.
    Could you please proofread this text?

    [Name] is as a responsible and accurate person caring much about business.
    [Name] is a very responsible person who prides himself on his accuracy.

    He is a vital person with sharp mind and good sense of humor.
    He is sharp-minded but has a lively personality and good sense of humour.

    He is a leader in both tech and human fields.
    He is a leading member of our technical staff. (I don't know what the "human field" means.)

    If you need a senior java developer with strong technical and social skills, I would recommend [Name] [Surname] to you.

    That's fine.

    I would be immensely grateful if you would improve this text to any degree.

    Thank you, in advance!
    Please see above. I haven't done anything with "caring much about business". I don't know if you meant "He cares a lot about business as a general area of life" or "He particularly cares about the business (the company) that he works for".
    I would be careful about the "he has a good sense of humour" part. The company that he is applying to might not like people like that - they might be looking for very serious members of staff. If your friend says that the company is quite easygoing and it's a fun environment to work in, then mentioning the sense of humour is probably OK.

  3. AlexAD's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please proofread a recommendation (a few lines)

    Thank you, emsr2d2.

    "He particularly cares about the business (the company) that he works for". This is what I meant.

    This part who prides himself on his accuracy it sounds a little bit self-confident (probably the wrong word to be used here), don't you think so?

    He is a leading member of our technical staff.
    Regretfully, we don't work together anymore and I cannot say that.
    What I mean is that he is able to lead a team of developers in terms of managing them.
    And he can be a tech lead (a mentor who can teach people how to use technologies).
    I wouldn't want to say that in terms of his current position but in terms of his persistent abilities.

    Thank you emsr2d2, again.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please proofread a recommendation (a few lines)

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexAD View Post
    Thank you, emsr2d2.

    "He particularly cares about the business (the company) that he works for". This is what I meant.
    In that case, don't use "particularly". That was just me trying to find out what you meant. You could say something like "He works very hard for the company he works for".

    This part who prides himself on his accuracy it sounds a little bit self-confident (probably the wrong word to be used here), don't you think so?
    I actually really like this phrase. I use it on my CV. I don't think it's over-confident. If you do then perhaps "His work is always completed to a high level of accuracy".

    He is a leading member of our technical staff.
    Regretfully, we don't work together anymore and I cannot say that.
    What I mean is that he is able to lead a team of developers in terms of managing them.
    And he can be a tech lead (a mentor who can teach people how to use technologies).
    I wouldn't want to say that in terms of his current position but in terms of his persistent abilities.
    Maybe "He has excellent leadership qualities and experience, and would be a very good mentor/teacher of technology"?

    Thank you emsr2d2, again.
    See above.

  5. AlexAD's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please proofread a recommendation (a few lines)

    Thanks a million esmr2d2, I really owe you something in return!

    Could I insert highly after would in the last line? Or another adjective that increases my recommendation to some degree?
    Last edited by AlexAD; 27-Jan-2012 at 19:59.

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