Could you please correct my English?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Arronjjyy

Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
This is an IELTS writing article. Could you please correct my English? Thank you in advance!

Topic
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you agree or disagree.

Essay:
Some feminists go to the extremely to say that universities should accept same percentage of male and female in all the subjects. It seemingly reveals this policy will guard the fight of females, but in fact, it is not a reasonable suggestion.

Female and male have natural difference. Women are more talented in language and are more conscientious than male. So in the classes of language learning and nursing, you will find the girls’ number is far more than boys’. In the other hand men is more sensitive in math, they are more suitable to learn subjects like accounting. If the schools carry on the policy that number of male and female students should be equal, some girls will not be able to enter their favorite subject for they should make room for male students. What is more, some girls have to learn math and science which they may not good at it.

In my opinion, universities could limit the total number of a subject for the teaching resource is finite but the percentage of gender should not be a standard for enroll students. Universities just need to compile some different demands which could measure whether a student has enough ability to learn the courses. No matter men or women as long as they could satisfy the requirements of the subjects, they could choose to learn it.

In conclusion, the claim that every subject should accept equal numbers of male and female students is not a logical proposal, rather than protect girls’ right, it will disrupt the order of education.
 

tedtmc

Key Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Malaysia
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you agree or disagree?

Some feminists go to the extreme[STRIKE]ly[/STRIKE] to say that universities should accept same percentage of male and female students in all the subjects.[STRIKE] It seemingly reveals[/STRIKE] This policy [STRIKE]will guard the fight[/STRIKE] seems to safeguard the rights of females, but in fact, it is not a reasonable suggestion.

Female and male have natural differences. Women are generally more talented in languages and are more conscientious than [STRIKE]male[/STRIKE] men. So in [STRIKE]the [/STRIKE]classes [STRIKE]of [/STRIKE] for subjects like language learning and nursing, you will find [STRIKE]the girls’ number is far more than boys’[/STRIKE] that the girls outnumber the boys. [STRIKE]In[/STRIKE] On the other hand, [STRIKE]men[/STRIKE] boys [STRIKE]is more sensitive in math[/STRIKE] are better in maths. They are more suited[STRIKE]able [/STRIKE]to learning subjects like accounting. If the schools [STRIKE]carry on [/STRIKE] adopt the policy that the number of male and female students [STRIKE]should[/STRIKE] be equal, some girls will not be able to [STRIKE]enter [/STRIKE] take their favorite subject [STRIKE]for they should make room[/STRIKE] as they would have give the chance to [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] the male students who are better in the subject. What is more, some girls would have to learn maths and science which they may not be good at [STRIKE]it.[/STRIKE]

In my opinion, universities [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE]should limit the total number of students for a subject f[STRIKE]or[/STRIKE] as the teaching resources is [STRIKE]finite[/STRIKE] limited but the [STRIKE]percentage of gender[/STRIKE] proportion of each sex should not be a standard for enrolling students. Universities just need to [STRIKE]compile some different demands[/STRIKE] make an assessment [STRIKE]which could measure[/STRIKE] of whether a student has enough ability to [STRIKE]learn [/STRIKE] follow the courses. [STRIKE]No[/STRIKE] It does not matter whether they are men or women as long as they [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] can satisfy the requirements of the subjects, they [STRIKE]could choose to learn it.[/STRIKE] should be given the chance to take the subject.

In conclusion, the claim that every subject should accept equal numbers of male and female students is not [STRIKE]a [/STRIKE]logical [STRIKE]proposal,[/STRIKE]. Rather than protecting females' right, it [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would disrupt the [STRIKE]order[/STRIKE] system of education.
 

Arronjjyy

Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you agree or disagree?

Some feminists go to the extreme[STRIKE]ly[/STRIKE] to say that universities should accept same percentage of male and female students in all the subjects.[STRIKE] It seemingly reveals[/STRIKE] This policy [STRIKE]will guard the fight[/STRIKE] seems to safeguard the rights of females, but in fact, it is not a reasonable suggestion.

Female and male have natural differences. Women are generally more talented in languages and are more conscientious than [STRIKE]male[/STRIKE] men. So in [STRIKE]the [/STRIKE]classes [STRIKE]of [/STRIKE] for subjects like language learning and nursing, you will find [STRIKE]the girls’ number is far more than boys’[/STRIKE] that the girls outnumber the boys. [STRIKE]In[/STRIKE] On the other hand, [STRIKE]men[/STRIKE] boys [STRIKE]is more sensitive in math[/STRIKE] are better in maths. They are more suited[STRIKE]able [/STRIKE]to learning subjects like accounting. If the schools [STRIKE]carry on [/STRIKE] adopt the policy that the number of male and female students [STRIKE]should[/STRIKE] be equal, some girls will not be able to [STRIKE]enter [/STRIKE] take their favorite subject [STRIKE]for they should make room[/STRIKE] as they would have give the chance to [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] the male students who are better in the subject. What is more, some girls would have to learn maths and science which they may not be good at [STRIKE]it.[/STRIKE]

In my opinion, universities [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE]should limit the total number of students for a subject f[STRIKE]or[/STRIKE] as the teaching resources is [STRIKE]finite[/STRIKE] limited but the [STRIKE]percentage of gender[/STRIKE] proportion of each sex should not be a standard for enrolling students. Universities just need to [STRIKE]compile some different demands[/STRIKE] make an assessment [STRIKE]which could measure[/STRIKE] of whether a student has enough ability to [STRIKE]learn [/STRIKE] follow the courses. [STRIKE]No[/STRIKE] It does not matter whether they are men or women as long as they [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] can satisfy the requirements of the subjects, they [STRIKE]could choose to learn it.[/STRIKE] should be given the chance to take the subject.

In conclusion, the claim that every subject should accept equal numbers of male and female students is not [STRIKE]a [/STRIKE]logical [STRIKE]proposal,[/STRIKE]. Rather than protecting females' right, it [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would disrupt the [STRIKE]order[/STRIKE] system of education.


Tedtmc, thank you very much! Happy spring festival!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top