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    #1

    Heavy syntax, please help!

    I am about to send a cover letter and I have a bit heavy feeling when i am reading couple of sentences.

    What do you think about this sentence?
    "My proven ability to adapt to new environments, teams and equipments will ensure my fast integration with your team and ease for international mobility."

    And, when some values are important for you, can you say:
    " they(values) hold a preponderant place in my career objectives"

    Thanks for your support

    Tom

  1. SlickVic9000's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Heavy syntax, please help!

    (Not a Teacher)

    Here's my take on that sentence:

    "My adaptability to new environments, people, and equipment ensures that I will be able to seamlessly integrate with your team while maintaining its international mobility."

    For the second sentence...well, this may be a somewhat dramatic, but tell me what you think:

    "My values are more than inseparable from my career objectives; they are enshrined within them."

    When I hear 'preponderant', the first meanings to come to mind are 'overbearing' or 'overwhelming'. While the word also has the meanings 'prevalent' and 'important', which you were utilizing for your original sentence, I feel the somewhat negative connotations of the word don't fit with the statement you're trying to make about your values.
    Last edited by SlickVic9000; 09-Feb-2012 at 07:30.

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    #3

    Re: Heavy syntax, please help!

    Hi SlickVik,

    Thanks for answering. About the sentence "My values are more than inseparable from my career objectives; they are enshrined within them." I wasn't meaning about my values but company ones. It seems a bit to much then. No?.

    About the first sentence. "Ease for international mobility" . I meant my own mobility :)
    And are you really ok with "integrate with your team", I couldn't find integrate with in dictionnary.

    Otherwise, I kept the rest.

    Thanks

    Tom

  2. SlickVic9000's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Heavy syntax, please help!

    (Not Teacher)

    Sorry about the misunderstanding.

    For that second sentence, how about this, then:

    "They are reflected in my career objectives."
    "They are an integral part of my carrer objectives."

    As for the first sentence, just eliminate "its" from in front of "international mobility". If you don't feel comfortable about "with", then use "into".

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    #5

    Re: Heavy syntax, please help!

    Good,

    I made changes and kept everything your solution.
    Letter is on the way tonight
    Thanks for your help

    Tom

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