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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • French
      • Home Country:
      • France
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Feb 2012
    • Posts: 1

    Question Can you help me please?

    I was asked to write a letter and within that letter state my reasons to why I have retaken English and Math twice. I am applied to university and little while ago I received a letter, asking me to provide a reason. So far, I have made many attempts to write a somewhat decent and comprehensibly letter. I am fairly bad at writing letters because I haven't wrote any. Please, read my letter and give me any feedbacks or corrections you may have.

    With this letter I would like to explain why Iíve attempted to retake MHF-4UI and ENG-4UI. During my senior years in high school, my attendance was poor, and it was largely because I spent my time studying metaphysics.

    Moreover, I was 16 and I became increasing perplexed by many conflicting situations that filled me with bewilderment, and it was to do with my own existence. I always had a keen interest towards philosophy of existentialism and I decided to pursue the tail that took two years, till I came to a realization that constituted a fulfilling achievement. I consider those years as bleak point of my life, but I overcame the existential obstacles and in the process, I learned to live life passionately and sincerely.

    After, I decided to continue my education in (the school that i am attending and finishing up my last course). This time, I attended regularly, did the work, and earned a good grade. I kept it brief because I do not wish to bore you with my life story, this letter is a mere generalization of the two years that I spent studying metaphysics. I hope there is enough detail to help you to understand, and if you require any further detail-I will be more than happy to provide it. Thank you for considering my application, and look forward to hearing from you.

    Yours sincerely, my name

  2. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Spanish
      • Home Country:
      • Argentina
      • Current Location:
      • Argentina

    • Join Date: Oct 2011
    • Posts: 9

    Re: Can you help me please?

    I'm not a teacher! But here are some improvements you could make to your letter:

    Change "With this letter I would like" for "I am writing to you to"
    If this is supposed to be a formal letter then you can't use short forms or contractions like "I've". You have to use the full forms (I have).
    We don't say "it was to do", we say "it has to do". Bewilderment and perplexed sound rare. I'd have used confusion and worried instead.
    Change "I always had a keen interest" for "I always liked".
    I don't know what you mean by "pursuing the tail".
    Change "till" for "until" which is the same but you should use "until" when you write.
    Use "a" in "as bleak point of my life" so that it stands "as a bleak point of my life" or just say "points" instead of the singular "point".

    Change "After" for something else or for "After that".
    "and I look forward to hearing from you".

    I think you shouldn't write it like if you were an emotionally unstable person or a person with mental problems (like a crazy person who thinks too much as if he were a phylosophist).

    Again, I'm not a teacher.

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