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    • Join Date: Nov 2005
    • Posts: 1

    Can someone look over my college application essay?


    I'm soon going to applying to college and I need help on correcting my essay. Can someone look for any grammar mistake and see if any of my expressions is little awakward?

    My family moved to U.S. from Korea six years ago. My dad was planning to get a degree at a college in U.S., but my parents also wanted to provide my brother and me with an opportunity to learn English. They picked out a city called, Spokane. Spokane was just the right city because of its small Korean population, which was going to make easier for my brother and me to learn English. We struggled for some times, but after two years, my life was back on track. Sadly, at the same time my dad had finished his study and my parents had to go back to Korea. Wanting to continue study in U.S., my brother and I stayed behind with a host family as international students; little did I know the next four years of my life was going to be the most challenging experience Iíve ever faced.

    Without my parents, my brotherís and my responsibility increased. Although the basic necessities, such as food and housing were taken cared by our host family, other chores became our jobs. Before my brother graduated, he handled the most of responsibility. He drove me to places, paid the bills, and kept me in line with school by checking on my homework. Basically, he was my parental figure. A year later, he graduated and went off to a college, leaving me in Spokane, essentially, by myself. The absence of both my brother and my parents was overwhelming at first. I felt like they were expecting too much from their fifteen-year old son at the age when he needed his parents more than ever. I began to let off my frustration by slacking off at school and going out with my friends frequently. One day, I received a phone call from my mom. We had a long conversation about my behavior. She understood how hard it was for me, but told me that my misbehavior was worrying her, the dad, but most importantly it was hurting me. She said that good education was essentially going to be the foundation for my future and I was about to throw it right out of the window. The conversation helped me to get my act together and once more put my life back on track.

    From that point, I became more responsible and matured person. With a great deal of effort, I was able to self-motivate myself and manage my time more efficiently. Consequently, my grades continually improved a year after another. My confidence went up along with my grade. I knew I was capable of facing any tasks without having to rely on my parents. An absence of my parents was emotionally stressful, but the pain was only temporary. In contrast, the lesson I learned from the experience expanded my sense of responsibility, a quality that will be helpful throughout my life.

    Thank you,

  1. Editor,
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 72,303

    Re: Can someone look over my college application essay?

    which was going to make easier- ...make it easier
    struggled for some times- some time
    finished his study- studies
    continue study- studying
    four years of my life was- were
    were taken cared by- taken care of by
    handled the most of responsibility- responsibilities

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