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  1. learning54's Avatar
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    #1

    Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Hi teachers,
    Are there any mistakes in my paragraph? Is it well constructed?
    Title: Caroline's birthday. The whole thing happens in Wilton. It is just part of a reading.

    Now Sharon is ringing the doorbell at the Wilsons’ house and Kate is with her. Sharon knows Caroline because she often travels to Wilton and Sharon’s aunt lives very near the Wilsons.
    Should I change '
    at the Wilson's house' to 'of the Wilson's house'?

    Thanks in advance.
    Last edited by learning54; 24-Mar-2012 at 14:12.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi teachers,
    Are there any mistakes in my paragraph? Is it well constructed?
    Title: Caroline's birthday. The whole thing happens in Wilton. It is just part of a reading.

    Now Sharon is ringing the doorbell at the Wilsons’ house and Kate is with her. Sharon knows Caroline because she often travels to Wilton and Sharon’s aunt lives very near the Wilsons.
    Should I change '
    at the Wilson's house' to 'of the Wilson's house'?

    Thanks in advance.
    The simple answer is yes, "the doorbell of the Wilsons' house" sounds better than "at". However, I would start it "Sharon and Kate are at the Wilsons' house and Sharon is ringing the doorbell."

    In my opinion, the whole piece is a little disjointed and confusing. Who is Caroline? Who are the Wilsons? Is the Wilsons' house in Wilton? In the second half, I don't know if "she" refers to Sharon or Caroline. Is the fact that Sharon's aunt lives very near the Wilsons actually the reason that Sharon knows Caroline?

  3. learning54's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    The simple answer is yes, "the doorbell of the Wilsons' house" sounds better than "at". However, I would start it "Sharon and Kate are at the Wilsons' house and Sharon is ringing the doorbell."

    In my opinion, the whole piece is a little disjointed and confusing. Who is Caroline? (She is the Wilsons' daugther) Who are the Wilsons? (They are Caroline's parents) Is the Wilsons' house in Wilton? (Yes, it is) In the second half, I don't know if "she" refers to Sharon or Caroline. (Sharon is the one who often travels to Wilton) Is the fact that Sharon's aunt lives very near the Wilsons actually the reason that Sharon knows Caroline? (Yes, it is)
    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply and help.
    First of all I have to say that this paragragraph is from 'Chapter 9', so the students already know the characters and the places they live in. It seems that the whole paragraph should be rephrased then. Could you help me?

    L54

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Title: Caroline's birthday. The whole thing happens in Wilton. It is just part of a reading.

    Now Sharon is ringing the doorbell at the Wilsons’ house and Kate is with her. Sharon knows Caroline because she often travels to Wilton and Sharon’s aunt lives very near the Wilsons.
    How about this...

    Title: Caroline's Birthday

    Sharon and Kate are on the doorstep of the Wilsons' house and Sharon is ringing the doorbell. Sharon often goes to visit her aunt who lives near the Wilsons in Wilton. That is how she knows Caroline.

    (I changed "at the Wilsons' house" to "on the doorstep of ..." because the original could be ambigous. "We are at their house" usually means we are already inside the house so ringing the doorbell would be an odd thing to do!)

  5. learning54's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    How about this...

    Title: Caroline's Birthday

    Sharon and Kate are on the doorstep of the Wilsons' house and Sharon is ringing the doorbell. Sharon often goes to visit her aunt who lives near the Wilsons in Wilton. That is how she knows Caroline.

    (I changed "at the Wilsons' house" to "on the doorstep of ..." because the original could be ambigous. "We are at their house" usually means we are already inside the house so ringing the doorbell would be an odd thing to do!)
    Hi,
    Thank YOU!! Very good solve!!! Great explanation about why you have changed 'at the Wilsons' house'.You know I rewrote this story and I've changed it a lot. I'm sure there wiil be quite a few mistakes, but the story is too long about 25 pages.
    By the way, Sharon doesn't live in Wilton. She lives in Bridgeport, which is about one hour away by train. Bu she often travels to Wilton to visit her aunt.

    Regards,
    L54

    PS May I know why nobody has answered this post of mine? 'In relation to the given drawing, are the given sentences correct?' and 'amount versus quantity'
    Is it because they are absurd?
    Thanks in advance.
    Last edited by learning54; 25-Mar-2012 at 12:10.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi,
    Thank YOU!! Very good solve!!! Great explanation about why you have changed 'at the Wilsons' house'.You know I rewrote this story and I've changed it a lot. I'm sure there wiil be quite a few mistakes, but the story is too long about 25 pages.
    By the way, Sharon doesn't live in Wilton. She lives in Bridgeport, which is about one hour away by train. Bu she often travels to Wilton to visit her aunt.

    Regards,
    L54

    PS May I know why nobody has answered this post of mine? 'In relation to the given drawing, are the given sentences correct?' and 'amount versus quantity'
    Is it because they are absurd?
    Thanks in advance.
    My piece doesn't say that Sharon lives in Wilton. It says that Sharon often visits her aunt who (referring to the aunt) lives near the Wilsons in Wilton.

    I haven't seen your other post. I'll have a look for it now but it might just be that everyone has found other posts they feel more qualified to respond to.

  7. learning54's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please point out my mistakes in the given small paragraph

    Hi,
    My piece doesn't say that Sharon lives in Wilton. It says that Sharon often visits her aunt who (referring to the aunt) lives near the Wilsons in Wilton. Yes, I know. It is just to inform you. That's all.

    I haven't seen your other post. I'll have a look for it now but it might just be that everyone has found other posts they feel more qualified to respond to.Undoubtedly it is an excellent reason; I really mean it. So sorry I've asked.

    Regards,
    L54

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