Would you mind correcting my toefl IBT essay?

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nahal.sd

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Do u agree or disagree? students should work while attending college or university.




Having a job is always a bless for everyone in every stage of their lives. I assume that every individual should work while he’s a student at university or college. He can gain experience through what he does as a profession. He also feels independent by having a job.
Having a job associates with gaining experience in how to be responsible especially if the vocation is contributed with the field he studies. a vocation helps him to get expert in his major and he can experience the theoretical studies he is taught at the university simultaneously. This is also a stage that leads him to be in charge of more crucial responsibilities in the future. By opting for a basic job he can flourish in his major and get promoted as he experiences more and more and is educated in different fields and can participate in a profession that he’s good at.
Earning money gives one a feeling of independency and a student will be able to pay his tuition whether his family can afford it or not. This independency makes him confident and optimistic about his future life knowing that although the amount of money he is paid at first is less than earning a living, he can prosper gradually in the field he studies and as a result his salary will be increased. Earning money by his own is so enjoying that will encourage him to thrive.
In today’s world that famine is a universal problem, being able to earn one’s own business and trying to stand on one’s own is something that everybody seeks from the very beginning of adolescence when they enter university or college. One can feel independent by running their own business and although the job may not assure them to make a fortune, they know it is a basic support for them.
 

emsr2d2

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Does the title of your essay really include the entirely unacceptable textspeak "u", instead of "you"? If so, it's immediately lost a hell of a lot of marks with me.
 
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