[Essay] sturck in my mind

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Ashiuhto

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Please check the following paragraph.

Everyone has his own unforgettable experience, including me. I can’t forget it because it was so difficult to erase it from my memory. It happened a few years ago. One day I went hiking with my parents. The view along the way was very beautiful and enjoyable. Finally, we went up to the top of the mountain. We were all happy to admire the amazing landscape. After we took a break, we started to go back home. As we went down the mountain, my father unexpectedly fell down and got hurt. It made him hurt much and couldn’t stand on his legs. My mother and I were so anxious that we didn’t know what to do. Some kind strangers helped us to call the 911, and we waited for help there. About five minutes later, an ambulance came. My mother and I were so thankful that the rescue could get here in a short time. Then, they took my father to the hospital. At that moment, I was afraid that my father was going to leave us. Luckily, my father was safe. This incident cast an unfading shadow on my heart. But I know that my father will be always around us.
 

billmcd

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Please check the following paragraph.

Everyone has [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE] their own unforgettable experience, including me. I can’t forget it because it was so difficult to erase [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] from my memory. It happened a few years ago. One day I went hiking with my parents. The view along the way was very beautiful and enjoyable. [STRIKE]Finally, we went up [/STRIKE] Eventually we made it to the top of the mountain. We were all happy [STRIKE]to admire [/STRIKE] admiring the amazing landscape. After we took a break, we started to [STRIKE]go[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]back[/STRIKE] head home. As we [STRIKE]went[/STRIKE] proceded down the mountain, my father unexpectedly fell [STRIKE]down[/STRIKE] and got hurt. It [STRIKE]made him [/STRIKE] hurt so much [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] he couldn’t stand [STRIKE]on his legs[/STRIKE]. My mother and I were so anxious that we didn’t know what to do. Some kind strangers helped us to call [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] 911, and we waited for help [STRIKE]there[/STRIKE]. About five minutes [STRIKE]later,[/STRIKE] after his fall an ambulance [STRIKE]came[/STRIKE] arrived. My mother and I were so thankful that the rescue could get here [STRIKE]in a short time[/STRIKE] so quickly. Then, they took my father to the hospital. At that moment, I was afraid that my father was going to leave us. Luckily, my father was [STRIKE]safe[/STRIKE] not too seriously injured. [STRIKE]This[/STRIKE] The incident cast an unfading shadow on my heart. But I know that my father will be always around us.

b.
 

Ashiuhto

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I am confused by the following sentences. In #1, which is acceptable, their or his? In #2, shoud it be deleted in the blank?

1. Everyone has ____________ own unforgettable experience, including me. (their, his)
2. I can’t forget it because it was so difficult to erase it from my memory.
 
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billmcd

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I am confused by the following sentences. In #1, which is acceptable, their or his? In #2, shoud it be deleted in the blank?

1. Everyone has ____________ own unforgettable experience, including me. (their, his) If you don't include "her", then "their" with "everyone".

2. I can’t forget it because it was so difficult to erase it from my memory. You have already identified "it" as that which you can't forget, so it's not necessary to repeat "it".

b.
 

Tullia

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I think many of these corrections are more "improvements" than corrections, as many of the things you have amended seem perfectly grammatical and reasonably idiomatic to me. I can't see a problem with "go back home" or even "happy to admire". I also don't understand why you've changed "It made him hurt so much and he couldn’t stand on his legs." as you have, since you've actually changed the meaning. The author's intent seems to have been to say "It hurt a great deal and he couldn't stand"; there seems (to me) to be no implication of causation in the original, but removing the "and" and inserting the "so" adds in an extra element which might not be meant.


WRT "their" instead of "his" I would also point out that some people will find this very ungrammatical. My feminist soul dislikes the priority given to the masculine of "his" in this circumstance, but my grammarian side still doesn't like it being replaced with a plural!
 
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