Could anyone help with this essay?

[emy87]

This is a TOEFL iBT topic. I am currently practicing writing. Thereby, I need your help folks
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situation do you think is better? help me please. I need your suggestions.
Regards


For young men and women, being away from their families and experiencing life could be the best thing to do for various, delightful, and enjoyable reasons. However, it is not my preference for plenty of reasons which I will discuss in this essay.

Parents usually spent most of their lives seeking their children’s happiness. It is good for young adults too to do the same, so they should take care of their parents. As is widely known, elderly people need someone to look after them as if they were infants. For instance, I live now in the U.S.A and my mind is busy thinking of my mother, because she is sick. Even though my siblings are with her, that does not make me feel better. In fact, what does make me feel better is when I prepare her breakfast, reading some books and sitting next to her, and give her her medications. These kinds of activities make me feel satisfied with myself.

Moreover, from a financial perspective, young adults livingwith their parents is more beneficial. It will help them to handle life's difficulties. For example, I lived with my parents until I got married at the age of nineteen, I did not have to pay any bells, contracts nor any other household needs. Even my cellphone bill, used to be paid for by my parents. When living with parents, starving after reaching home is something which never happens. Unlike living away, living with your mom lets you have meals that give you the daily nutrition and energy to start your day.

In addition, giving attention to whatever is happening is not the young adult’s responsibility. They will be out discovering the world they live in. Thus, there should be a base from which they can have everything they might need.

In summary, living with one's parents would be the best for both the parents and the children, thus, will cause less trouble for young adults and parents in facing life's situations.

 

[februar]

Could anyone help with this essay?


This is a TOEFL iBT topic. I am currently practicing writing. Thereby, I need your help folks
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Help me please. I need your suggestions.Regards


For young men and women, being away from their families and experiencing life could be the best thing to do for various [STRIKE]delightful and enjoyable[/STRIKE] reasons. Two of them are that young people are especially attracted by delightful and enjoyable places. However, it is not my preference for plenty of reasons which I will discuss in this essay.

Parents usually [STRIKE]spent[/STRIKE] spend most of their lives seeking their children’s happiness. It is good for young adults [STRIKE]too[/STRIKE] to do the same in return, so they should take care of their parents. As is widely known, [STRIKE]elderly[/STRIKE] older people need someone to look after them as if they were infants. For instance, I live now in the U.S.A and my mind is busy thinking of my mother, because she is sick. Even though my siblings are with her; that does not make me feel better. In fact, what does make me feel better is when I prepare her breakfast, [STRIKE]reading some books[/STRIKE] read from a book [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] sitting next to her, and give her her (Or: the) medications. These kinds of activities make me feel satisfied with myself. It will help them me to cope with the harsh realities of life.
Moreover, from a financial perspective, living conditions of young adults [STRIKE]livingwith[/STRIKE] who live with their parents [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] are more beneficial. It will help them to handle life's difficulties (Or: …to cope with the harsh realities of life.) - (This sentence doesn’t fit here, because: what is the difficulty if the parents pay your bills? I put it above the previous sentence) For example, I lived with my parents until I got married at the age of nineteen, I did not have to pay any [STRIKE]bells[/STRIKE] bills and contracts at all, nor any other household needs. Even my cellphone bills used to be paid [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] by my parents (Or: My parents used to even pay my cellphone bills.) When living with parents, starving [STRIKE]after reaching[/STRIKE] at home is something which never happens. Unlike living away, living with your mom lets you have meals that give you the daily nutrition and energy to start your day.

In addition, giving attention to whatever is happening is not the young adult’s responsibility. [STRIKE]They will be[/STRIKE] Thus, many of them want to go out discovering the world they live in. [STRIKE]Thus[/STRIKE] However, [STRIKE]there should be[/STRIKE] they should not leave their home without a base from which they can have everything they might need.

In summary, living with one's parents would be the best for both the parents and the children, thus, will cause less trouble for young adults and parents in facing [STRIKE]life's[/STRIKE] any situations.
februar, no teacher