Can anybody please check my essay for writing section 2 of IELTS and tell me mistakes and give me a band score according to IELTS exam standards,

(Topic 1)Some people think that parents should teach childrem how to be good membs of society. Otherst , however believe that scchool is the place to learn this.Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

(Answer 1)

Children are the building blocks of the societya nd the nationa a whole.They are just like wet clay which can be moulded and remoulded into any shape.The home of a child is the first
place wherea child learns the basis moral values and ettiquettes.So the environment of the house affects a child a lot.The basic qualities and attitudesa re incorporatedi n home of
of the child.

Then comes a stage when the child is exposed to outside environment in form of school, be it play school or, academic teaching school. This is the place where a child comes in contact
with different kinds of people who belong to different culture,have different nature , different attitudes. This stage of a childs life is very vulnerable age when he/she comesi n contact
with good as well as bad people.Its the friend circle of child which decides further social behaviour of the child.

So. athough home is the first school of social learning,schools have far much more effect on the child,because a child sprends majority of his/her time with friends rathert an home. according
to me although the moral values and ettiquetes are incorporatedi nto a child at home but these habits and values keep oon getting modified accordig to society once a child enters the school
, because he/ she is under influence of so many new kind of people.

So in my opinion schools have much more influence than home in making a child good social elemens. This is very similar to phrase nature versus nuture that is nature is moulded by birth or in
home in the company of family members while