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  1. learning54's Avatar
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    #1

    Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    Hi teachers,
    Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    This is an English pub.There are a few men and very few women. It is almost closing time, eleven o’clock. One of the men in the pub is called Tim Scott. He spends a lot of time in pubs. His wife is at home. She had dinner alone two hours ago. In fact, she has had dinner alone a few times since she got married. When he arrived, she asked, “Where were you, Tim? Don’t answer me; you were in the pub again! And Tim answered, “Well, not really, we had a lot of work in the warehouse”.

    Thanks in advance.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi teachers,
    Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    This is an English pub.There are a few men and very few women. It is almost closing time, eleven o’clock. One of the men in the pub is called Tim Scott. He spends a lot of time in pubs. His wife is at home. She had dinner alone two hours ago. In fact, she has had dinner alone a few times since she got married. When he arrived, she asked, “Where were you, Tim? Don’t answer me; you were in the pub again! And Tim answered, “Well, not really, we had a lot of work in the warehouse”.

    Thanks in advance.
    There's nothing wrong with any of the spelling or punctuation. I would suggest, however, that the piece should revert to the present tense for the sentences I have underlined. All your sentences are very short and some could easily be connected which would make the story feel as if it flowed better.

  3. learning54's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply. I didn't know it will be better in the simple present. I really thought the simple past will be much better.

    Learning

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply. I didn't know it will be better in the simple present. I really thought the simple past will be much better.

    Learning
    Well, you started with the present simple. "This is an English pub" and "It is almost closing time". I assumed that the part at the end where Tim goes home to his wife happens on the same evening, so it makes sense for it also to be written in the present simple. The part about his wife having had dinner alone many times makes sense in the past tense because it refers to things which happened before the evening in the pub which forms the basis of the story.

  5. learning54's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    Well, you started with the present simple. "This is an English pub" and "It is almost closing time". I assumed that the part at the end where Tim goes home to his wife happens on the same evening, so it makes sense for it also to be written in the present simple.
    Hi,
    You are right. Now I can see it. Thank you for your explanation.

    When he arrives, she asks, “Where were you, Tim? Don’t answer me; you were in the pub again! And Tim answers, “Well, not really, we had a lot of work in the warehouse”.

    One last question please
    Shouldn't it be better to say, When he arrives
    home, she asks ...'


    Learning
    Last edited by learning54; 21-May-2012 at 23:27.

  6. 5jj's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Could you correct this small paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Shouldn't it be better to say, When he arrives home, she asks ...'
    As you have already made it clear that his wife is at home. it is not necessary to use 'home' after 'arrives'.

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