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Thread: About my book.

  1. Tinkerbell's Avatar
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    About my book.

    Hello my dear teachers,

    I've been writing a novel for some time and now I'm trying to translate it to English (lol). I'm also a literature translator, I'd translated some books for a publisher from English to my language - Turkish - with your helpings here. - By the way, I want to thank you all for your helpings. You're very good teachers and nice people indeed. All the time you help us with great effort, sympathy and kindness. Thank you very much again. - Anyway, I hadn't any Turkish to English practice, never tried before and I know it's a hard job, even funny in my case. But maybe I can manage it in progress. (lol)

    Now, what I'm asking to you is, could you please read it and make some comments about my writing abilities in English. Don't worry, I won't ask you to correcting it afterwards. Only please read it an make a comment like "Terrible, don't attempt it" or "Not bad, you can do it in progress. This is your first trying after all." And I welcome any other comments.

    Here it is: Feyza Altay: CHAPTER 1 - LOVE STORY

    It's a five-page essay, so instead of putting it here, I give you my blog's link. I hope it's not forbidden.

    Thanks in advance. T-bell.

  2. Tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Re: about my book

    But why nobody says anything? Please read a bit and say something about it. Please..

    One hot summer’s day in 1919, a Royal Dutch Sea Lines steamship was sailing in the freezing waters of the Atlantic Ocean. The destination of the steamship which departed from Rotterdam, was Paramaribo Harbour at Suriname. One of the passengers of the steamship was nineteen-year-old Ella, the daughter of Suriname Governor Baron van Heemstra. She was going to go to visit her father, together with her older sister Miesje and her husband Otto.

    It was a bright and cloudless day and the blue waters of the ocean was shining with the sun's golden lights. While Ella was leaning the deck railings and staring at the wide ocean which widening in front of her, she was thinking about the future that waiting for her. Within a few months, she’d obliged to marry a man who she wasn't in love and leave both her family and her homeland and go to Cava Island which her future husband was on duty as an officer. But Ella didn't want to marry. She was still very young and looked forward to some good times before she settled down. She wanted to show up every party, flirt with all the young men, play hard to get and break their hearts. And finally if she simply had to get married, she would choose a man with whom she would be happy to share her whole life.

    But unfortunately nobody had asked Ella what she’d expecting from the future and all the time her family and standards of judgement had made her decisions instead of her. And now what’s expecting from her was she’d marry a noble man who’ll become to her family and had lots of children. In this important matter, her family again made their decisions without their daughter’s mind and had chosen the candidate. Against to all her protests and so much tears, they engaged her to Hendrik, the son of Baron and Baroness van Ufford’s, their neighbours from the summer villa, also Ella’s best friend Henriette’s older brother. Twenty four-year-old Hendrik, was a black haired, slender man and countable handsome for that matter – some girls in Gravenhage was crazy about him. Furthermore he was a promising officer and with the death of the old man’s, he’d had the baronetcy, as the only son of the family. Naturally, Ella would be a baroness with marrying to him.

    But Ella had not a dream like becoming a baroness. After all her mother was a baroness too, and her life wasn’t interesting at all. She always wanted to become an actress. Since her childhood, she’d arranged theatrical performances with her siblings and friends, did wonders from her mother’s old clothes and curtains, and even she’d wrote plays to herself. And her biggest dream was taking acting training and one day become a famous actress like Nazimova. But unluckily it couldn’t go beyond just a sweet dream. When her father heard that she wanted to become an actress, he’d said her exactly that:

    “Whatever you do, don’t associate with actors and actresses. You’d bring disgrace on the family.”

    While Ella far off and thinking about these matters with hopeless eyes, she saw a pair of dolphins jumping out of water in a distance and her eyes brightened with joy instantly. When she was a little girl, her grandma had always said her that seeing dolphins brings good luck and advised her on make a wish precisely when she sees a dolphin. Ella immediately shut her eyes tightly and said to herself, “I hope one day I’ll become an actress, always will stay thin as now and get married a handsome Englishman and live in Engand.”

    With a little smile on her face, shutting her eyes for some time more for make certain of her wish, Ella recollect herself with a man’s voice which said to her “Hello.” When she opened her eyes and immediately turned her head to the voice, she saw a young man by her side who leaning on the railings and smiles at her.

    Ella replied him “Hello,” and immediately turned her glances in front of her. But she had a chance a look at the young man in that one or two seconds. He was a tall, brown haired and extremely stylish man. Furthermore, he was very handsome.

    When the young man said in Dutch with English accent, “What a nice day, isn’t it?” Ella thought to herself “Yay, he’s English,” and remembered her wish. She wonder if her wish was starting to come true already?

    She replied him in English. “Yes, it's a wonderful day indeed.”

    “Ah, do you speak English? Very good. I won't have to speak Dutch. Now, could you please tell me your name, her little ladyship?”

    “Ella… Ella van Heemstra.”

    “Nice to meet you, Ella. And I have a long and boring name like ‘Anthony Victor Joseph Ruston.’ But you can say me Joseph, briefly."

    “Nice to meet you, Sir. Oh, Joseph.”

    “Now, Ella, let’s see your English is how good. Could you tell me in English what you wished when you see the dolphins just now?”

    “Sorry Sir, I can’t tell you this. Because a wish is private to it’s owner and it’ll come true in case of saying to nobody. But I can tell you in so far that, if when you see a dolphin, you make a wish, is called of that your wish really come true. So I think you also must make a wish before dolphins drawing away.”

    “Hey, your English is really very good but please stop tell me Sir. My name is Joseph and I like to addressing in that way. Okay?”

    While Joseph saying this, he was looking at Ella with his penetrating velvety light brown eyes. Ella, shying of the young man’s pressing glances, immediately turned your face to the ocean and said “Okay, Joseph.”

    “Good. So tell me why are you going to Suriname?”

    “I’m going to visit my father.” After a short pause, Ella added “Together with my sister and uncle.”

    “Hmm, so your dad is living there. Well, what is he doing there?”

    “On duty.”

    Ella would dogmatize it but Joseph was a bit cruious.

    “Hmm, on duty. I’m sure he is a high ranking officer.”

    “No, not officer.”

    “Has he a goldmine?”

    “No, he hasn’t a goldmine either,” said Ella, with a chuckle.

    “Has a Dutch centilman what an other duty in Suriname?” Joseph again turned his glances to the ocean and blinking his eyes against to golden lights which reflects from the waters, he thought for a while. Meanwhile Ella was watching his beautiful profile with a side look.

    Then Joseph clicked his fingers suddenly and excitedly said “A-ha!” When Ella turned her head to him immediately, they came nose to nose.

    “What did you say your surname?”

    “Van Heemstra.”

    “You’re the Governor’s daughter. Baron van Heemstra’s.”

    “You... How do you know my father?”

    “Surely everybody in that ship know famous Baron van Heemstra, Governor of Suriname, her little ladyship. Actually now, when I look at your expensive clothes and your proper speaking that, how come I didn’t realize it as soon as I heard your name?”

    When Ella blinking at Joseph, he made a exaggerated bow and said “Please forgive me, Missen van Heemstra.”

    Ella stirred her blushing face to the ocean and fidgeting with her straw hat's silk ribbons, said “My name is Ella and I like to address in this way.”

    “Nay, you’re an blue blood and nobody can adress you with your first name.”

    Joseph’s this manner was starting to embarres Ella, who since her childhood have been taught she's different than other people and as a result of this, turn into an extremely humble person. So, for changing the subject, she asked Joseph the first question occured to her mind.

    “And why are you going to Suriname?”

    This time it was Joseph’s turn to turn his glances into the ocean. “Oh, well, the bank in Amsterdam which I’d working opened a new branch in Paramaribo. I’d bored with Amsterdam. So I asked them to send me there for a change.”

    “But, you’re English, aren’t you?”

    “Actually, I’m Irish but...”

    Just then Ella’s sister Mies and her husband Otto came to their sides.

  3. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    Re: about my book

    I have moved your thread to the proper forum. What you are asking is a lot of work, people on this site are volunteers who help in their spare time. I don't have time to do it, perhaps someone else will.

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