I would like to ask someone to make corrections to my motivation letter. I need it for my Erasmus application to an Italian university. Advices, how to improve it, are welcome. Thank you very much in advance

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply as a student for The Bachelor program in Fashion Design and Technology at the Ifa School for two semesters in the 2012/13 academic year. I am currently graduated in computer software engineering at 2003 in Tehran, Iran and bachelor of Iranian language at 2011 in INALCO, Paris, France.

Iím interested in drawing, colour composition, form, pattern making, draping and cutting techniques.
Despite my great passion for fashion world, I didnít have opportunity to follow it till now that following the programme of expatriation of my husband, I see myself, in shanghai, one of the centres of the fashion in the world with this big chance to know about your school.

It has been my ambition to study in fashion design since we arrived in shanghai last October. I am impressed by everything in this field. Considering my experience in computer field for many years, I think I will be good in combination of art and computer, computer design and so on. Iím Franco-Iranian. I speak Persian, French, English and Iím learning Chinese. My family and I will stay in shanghai during 3 years and I have the possibility to study my last year in Paris. I am looking forward to being considered for the Bachelor program in Fashion Design and Technology at Ifa, where I hope I can prove my abilities and gain new skills.

I am looking forward eagerly to your positive reply.

Yours faithfully,