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  1. learning54's Avatar
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    #1

    Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Hi teachers,
    Could you correct this short paragraph please?
    Grant and Flash both build houses, but Grant builds them slowly but well. He is a much better builder. Flash builds houses quickly but badly. He is a much worse builder. Once he built a house that fell down three months later.

    Thanks in advance.

  2. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Hi Learning,

    I'll have a go at it: "Grant and Flash bothe build houses. Grant builds them slowly but well, and so they are durable. On the other hand, Flash builds quickly but badly. He is a worse builder; one of the houses he built collapsed after only three months."

    Greetings,

    charliedeut
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Once he built a house that fell down three months later.

    Thanks in advance.
    Hello.
    In my opinion, it would be better to use a "non-restrictive relative clause" in the sentence above:

    "Once he built a house, which fell down (collapsed) three months later."

    I wouldn't ask Flash to build my house.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Saying that Grant is a "much better builder" at the beginning of the piece is confusing. At that point, the reader has no other builder to compare him with. It is better to say that he is a good builder and then go on to say that Flash is a worse (or "bad" or "not as good a") builder.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. learning54's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Saying that Grant is a "much better builder" at the beginning of the piece is confusing. At that point, the reader has no other builder to compare him with. It is better to say that he is a good builder and then go on to say that Flash is a worse (or "bad" or "not as good a") builder.
    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply.
    Will it be better like this then?
    Grant and Flash both build houses, but Grant is a good builder and Flash is a bad one. Grant builds houses slowly but well. He is a much better builder. Flash builds houses quickly but badly. He is a much worse builder. Once he built a house that fell down three months later.

    L.

  6. learning54's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by charliedeut View Post
    Hi Learning,

    I'll have a go at it: "Grant and Flash both build houses. Grant builds them slowly but well, and so they are durable. On the other hand, Flash builds quickly but badly. He is a worse builder; one of the houses he built collapsed after only three months."
    charliedeut
    Hi,
    Thank you for your correction. Is it better to use 'collapsed' than 'fell down'?

    L.

  7. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply.
    Will it be better like this then?

    Grant and Flash both build houses, but Grant is a good builder and Flash is a bad one. Grant builds houses slowly but well. He is a much better builder than Flash. Flash builds houses quickly but badly. He is a much worse builder than Grant. Once he built a house that fell down three months later.

    L.

    If you use "much better" and "much worse" then you need to include the "than + name". The sentences "He is a much better builder" and "He is a much worse builder" don't work well on their own.

    I would say perhaps "Grant and Flash build houses. Grant is a good builder and Flash is a bad builder. Grant builds houses slowly but well, and Flash builds houses quickly but badly. Grant is a much better builder than Flash. Flash once built a house which fell down three months later."

    If you are looking to write comprehension questions, you will be able to test their knowledge of "better/worse" without having given them the answer. You could ask, for example, "Is Flash a better builder than Grant?" and try to elicit the answer "No. Flash is a worse builder than Grant". Of course, you would also have to accept the answer "No. Grant is a better builder than Flash" which the students can take straight from the text. Alternatively, you could ask "Is Flash a worse builder than Grant?" and hope for "Yes, he is".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  8. learning54's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by tzfujimino View Post
    Hello.
    In my opinion, it would be better to use a "non-restrictive relative clause" in the sentence above:

    "Once he built a house, which fell down (collapsed) three months later."

    I wouldn't ask Flash to build my house. Me neither!
    Hi, Thank you for your reply and suggestion. Even though I do agree with you. This text is for low intermediate students. So, we haven't done restrictive clauses in class yet.

    L.

  9. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi,
    Thank you for your correction. Is it better to use 'collapsed' than 'fell down'?

    L.
    "Fell down" will teach them a phrasal verb and may make them work harder.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  10. learning54's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Could you correct this short paragraph please?

    If you use "much better" and "much worse" then you need to include the "than + name". The sentences "He is a much better builder" and "He is a much worse builder" don't work well on their own.
    Believe it or not I really thought about this one. Thank you for correcting me.

    If you are looking to write comprehension questions, you will be able to test their knowledge of "better/worse" without having given them the answer. You could ask, for example, "Is Flash a better builder than Grant?" and try to elicit the answer "No. Flash is a worse builder than Grant". Of course, you would also have to accept the answer "No. Grant is a better builder than Flash" which the students can take straight from the text. Alternatively, you could ask "Is Flash a worse builder than Grant?" and hope for "Yes, he is".
    Yes I'm looking for comprehension questions. I'll post them later on to see if I did it right. I really can't now. I'm in a hurry due to I have a class at 11:00 am.

    "Grant and Flash build houses. Grant is a good builder and Flash is a bad builder. Grant builds houses slowly but well, and Flash builds houses quickly but badly. Grant is a much better builder than Flash. Flash once built a house which fell down three months later."
    Thank you very much for your correction.
    L.
    Last edited by learning54; 30-Jun-2012 at 07:05.

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